ABSILVER's World

I drove around last night for a while, and thought about the choices of my life. Frankly, there is one consistent theme as an adult. My therapist, Linda, said it started at the age of 8 that I had a drive to be independent and protect myself. I realized as I drove around, and in discussions over the weekend there is a price for my kind of independence. Even though it is quite personal I thought it would make an interesting blog entry as we head to the new year. When I was in college, after my first year, I lived alone. I had my own room at the Fraternity house always. Even when I moved back into the dorm in my senior year, I actually had a football player for a roommate and so he was only there in title. When I left school, I lived alone in Jacksonville except for a pretty pathetic 30 days where I tried to live with two other friends and that just didn't work. My memory is the challenge was not with them, but with me. I missed having space to call my own beyond a bedroo

I sit here... feeling like quite lucky man. I sit here on my patio and watching the wind blow through the trees. The river has some ripples.. and the trees continue to blow and all I can think of is how lucky I am. Did I mention it is 77, and sunny and Minneapolis had to postpone a football game because of snow and the Giants could not get there in time to be ready to play at 1pm. And I sit in shorts, and it is 77 and sunny. I do want to remark that it will be 48 tonight. We have had some chilly evenings here. Quite early in the year for south Florida. But, I don't think anyone in Minneapolis would want to hear me complain about 48 tonight and a high of 63 tomorrow. With any luck, by the end of the month I will have started ownership of 311. 7 doors down, and an extra bed room and bathroom and a similar view as I have now. Other than the quite redneck picture in my head, of moving down the hall, I am quite excited about the possibilities of my new home and realizing that m

Here I sit on another flight.. headed to Fort Lauderdale and as I occassionally do with my blog.. it is time to ramble through some thoughts. I am getting ready to see a friend, a best friend that I have not seen in almost 20 years. I was thinking about what if the question came up what was the highlight of your life so far. I have written about so many of them in my blog, being in a loving relationship, sharing a fabulous dog, the passing of family, friends and Pets. But, what struck me was that I could say one of those moments was last Sunday. I have a good friend, Mark, in Fort Lauderdale. I woke up in Provincetown, and through text and picture messages I took Mark on a walk with me. Down Commercial Street, looking at some of the decorations for Halloween, and it was fun to take somoene with me even though he was not sharing my walk in person. Then as I walked out toward the breakers, and turned I saw one of the most amazing sights of my life. Spread out before me were dunes

Sunday, after a long life my Uncle Kenny Passed on to the next world. As I sit here, getting ready to start the day of work there is a slow rain outside my window and calm to the day. Good time to reflect and also to take in the last few days. The Rabbi, at their home on Monday evening, asked people to share memories of my Uncle Kenny and all I could do was just stand in silence. Seeing my cousins and generations standing around reminded me of how special he was to so many. After my cousin Sherri was so eloquent and heart felt at the funeral, I felt speechless and was not sure what to say. But, sitting on the flight home I found some thoughts and wanted and started to write this as I complete it today. My first clear memories are at my Grandmother's house. The Bassners and Silvermans for Thanksgiving and her birthday and Mother's Day. We would be up the day before and the Bassners would come in the next day. Uncle Keeny always seemed to be upbeat, and had a zest f

I was prodded, thankfully, by Glen to write in my blog. (now two post in one day) Interestingly enough, I have written to articles on the iPad and on a flight and just never got arround to posting them. So, I will dust those off as well and see if they warrant posting, Today I am struck this morning by what it means to our own history. Both, our perspective on history and our desire or lack of desire to leave a legacy of our own. I have a good friend who created an exhibit at the stonewall libray in Fort Lauderdale. It is an exhibit on camp. When you are there you see these fabulous posters on the history of Camp and right along with it is a time line of a gay coming out in the USA. This timeline of from when gay was not even spoken of in code, to our current world where many people feel safe in our ability to express who we are. Frankly, this manifests itself in gay rights. In fighting for marriage equality possibly at the Supreme court. It manifests itself in a Tea Party mo

It is only ten minutes... Here I sit on a flight and as always it makes me want to think and write in my blog. I keep thinking about ten minutes.and how my mind and outlook on life has been shaped by working at IBM. . You might wonder what 10 minutes has to do with this, and it comes down to Thursday afternoon. There I was getting ready for a 4pm call and it was suggested we needed a few slides to review for the call. Of course this request would have to come to me at 3:50 pm. So this is where ten minutes comes in. When I started at IBM, I would have thought the request was crazy who could possibly throw something together in ten minutes. But, after many years at IBM, I didn't question. The request, realizing I had two pitches that together would work... I created a new pitch and got it out for the call with two minutes to spare. What I remembered thinking about after was no waste of time worrying if this could be done. I just knew it had to be done for the vice p

I am in Provincetown and the magic is in the air. Men, women, gay, straight all walking and being happy they are here. Great weather day and here I sit watching the water as the sun sets and thinking of a glass of wine. What struck me today, walking, and smiling and going to Tea Dance was a great comfort in me. That I was never the pretty boy, and I don't feel like the most handsome man at the fair but I feel comfortable in who Brian is and how I approach my life and a moment. I don't try and wear designer labels that younger men would wear. Frankly, I don't try to wear designer labels any way. If there is a Calvin Klein name in my house frankly it in my comforter, and underwear from Costco. That said, I watch all these men that are my age or older trying to dress as if they still are the pretty one in the room. Wearing an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt too tight for their age and body. Or, the man who decides to go shirtless and looks like his body does not match his

If you are planning a visit to Provincetown. Here are some of my words of wisdom. * Just remember, there is no place like Provincetown. Not even Truro, 5 miles away can match the unique charm here. * Be clear as you get off the ferry, you will see fairies of all kinds. * We really are not concerned with how you do it in Boston, LA, New York, Miami, or for that matter any where else. * Leave for your destination 15 minutes early and walk slowly. This Will make all the difference in how you learn to enjoy the town and its rare beauty. * Greatest danger to life and limb are bicyclists going against traffic at higher speeds. * People may not remember your name, but they will remember your dog's name. * Service is good, food is plentiful and tasty, but remember this is a slower pace and so instead of frustration over the time service takes remember to just breathe. * There is not a Starbucks, but there is a Wired Puppy and a Joe's coffee. * You may come across the odd straight cou

As I look, to what I believe will be a yearly change, to head to Ptown for the summer what things do I think I know for sure. I am a very lucky man. 51 years ago today, my parents married. I am lucky to have them and so many solid relationships in my family growing up. I also feel lucky that not only have they lasted but they love, and like each other and their children love and admire them. The rest are in quite random order... 1) Swifter is great, but they don't replace a mop and broom for everything. 2) Friends are fun and entertaining but the best of my friends have an ability to provide silent support. You just happen to know they are there and seem to appear at the moment you need them. 3) Love does not conquer all, but it does live beyond time. 4) Diana Ross does have a very distinct and unique voice. Unique and Range make for lasting careers more than the purist vocal instrument. 5) Barbra Streisand has the rare combination of a great vocal instrument, unique voice, a

So.. as I sit on a long flight to Vegas it causes my mind to wonder as always.. so here we go. This adventure will be many firsts for me. First time in Vegas not as an IBM employee. Although, going for Impact 2010 means I have not gotten very far from the platform. I keep thinking of the vision of standing on a platform and you have to step on the train. That last moment when you lift your foot off that back platform and step on the train. Some days I think I am on a new train and frankly sometimes I feel that back foot is firmly planted while I am looking in the train. Second, I am there to promote what I do for a living focused on marketing and partners. I have this idea around Right Sized Marketing. Helping partners add to their execution plans the ability to leverage agency caliber work at the right size for them. Focused on their needs, their business plan, their marketing requirements, and frankly their budget so they get the best they need for their work. Las Vegas is a

Hello to the world... I sit here in my little space feeling more optimistic than I have in a long while. The economy seems to be on the mend. For the first time in my new career, I can see work all the way through June and I am at peace for the weekend. I have seemed to at moments have made some mindless mistakes lately. Last Friday I missed a conference call for work. Last night had some friends over for dinner and accidentally turned the oven off. You can't very well serve chicken tartar. So, over more beer and hummus the chicken cooked. If you ever want a fool proof way to cook chicken breasts (bone in please) Google Barefoot Contessa and Chicken Salad. The recipe to cook the chicken breast is a no fail recipe. That said, I would recommend Whole Foods or kosher chickens to start. The best part, was having moments this week where my mind just hummed. I had a great call with a partner on Wednesday about something totally new business wise and low and behold it just came

I sit here on a Friday. A holiday of my own choice, because today, I am my own boss. Not sure, sometimes I feel like I am more at the whim of others. But, today I am my boss and so I am taking a day off in sunny Fort Lauderdale. Listening to Madonna, cleaning house, and checking an occasional email. Then off to lunch in the hood with Kevin and Rich. Life is pretty darn good today. I like living near the hood. In the middle of this all, another drama plays out as it has so many times. Harry is packing, shipping, and shutting down his winter holiday. Time to go back. The flowers are starting to bloom. The Daffodils are coming up... and as Harry taught me.. flowers come up in colors in the spring and the first are yellows. When Harry and I were together. These four months were long and short to me. More importantly they were not the event they are today. If it was time to be back in New Jersey, it just meant he and Daisy would be back in a working rhythm with me. The differe

Where is Home? Ever wonder.. what or where is home for you? Is home where you were born? Is home where you put your head each night, so it changes? Is it where you wake up and smile? I am having one of those days where contemplating home, and where that is or should be is on my mind. I am a very lucky man with choices. While the world is rocking and rolling.. I have choices as to where or how I want to live. I know for most people, life is moving so fast they don't have the luxury to stop and wonder. I have created a pause in my life, and I am wondering where I am headed. Today I have two homes, and I am not sure if I know the core answer. I was at breakfast today saying I need an anchor, and I need a place that I can just know is my base. Doesn't mean I can't have a second place.. but I need an anchor that when someone says where are you from? I don't feel like a multiple choice test: a) where I was born? b) Where I live? c) Where I work? d) Where my heart is? e

It is flying time so more random observations. To keep other passengers guessing about me. 1) Wouldn't it really be better if no seats reclined in coach? 2) Tiger said it best. I got caught and thought I was more privileged than everyone else. Yes, he could and still can have anything he wants. Let it go and frankly watching repeats of his "heartfelt" typed and read speech on TV is not really necessary. 3) I don't understand curling as a sport. Reminds me more of a bar game. 4) I love Canada and respect most countries. But, is there anything more pride stirring than watching USA athletes win medals with composure and dignity. 5) All of a sudden over the last year bill Clinton looks like a greater president and a faithful husband. :) 6) ABS prediction, Obama will go down in history as a great president and the right man at the right time. 1/2 of the negative commentary is racism and history will be amazed what he accomplished any way. 7) Delta's uniforms look bette

I am on a flight from Montreal to Atlanta ending in Fort Lauderdale. Minding my own business and enjoying Bruce Springsreen and my own mind but I keep getting looks of people wandering why I am not working. Why am I not reading pr doing something productive and I thought just sitting here staring into space was productive and frankly peacefull. So to confuse them I am sitting here typing ony iPhone effectively about nothing except the lack of peace. Montreal was nice and the work productive but in February with snow everywhere is there really a better place to be than South Flotida? I know Palm Springs is nice although I have not been there. (ok here is a first ... Woman sitting next to me is expressing herself.. :). Interesting ... For a while I was a tense flyer but the more I fly lately the more calm I become. I wondered o. Wednesday if I have flown out of any airport more than Fort Lsuderdale. Between living there on the 90's. Being a snowbird effectively fo

Here I sit on the verge of a career intersection. Working with IBM partners, and getting ready for an IBM event on Monday. But, I don't work for IBM any more. I represent myself and the company(s)I partner with. So, picture it, I am on a conference call to support this event. Where we have a virtual booth, at a virtual venue, and it is all a virtual event. It is like going to a family reunion, and since the last one you got married and adopted three hamsters. Those that loved you at the last one want to catch up, and those that didn't well... the same is true. But now you have a spouse who does not have your history with the family, and can judge your behavior and relationships objectively. So, you sit down to dinner and all the family dynamics and sibling rivalries show up but your spouse sees it more like a sitcom pilot that never made it to the air. What do you do? What do you when it is work related and you can feel through the keyboard what is wrong. It hasn't

I am sure there are people wiser than me. I certainly understand that people have religious objections to gay marriage. I don't agree, but I understand. But, the general comment that there is something sacred or natural about heterosexuals getting married is frankly crap. What is sacred, is love. Love of friends, family, and when two people choose to live their lives together. That is sacred. The gender of those people is not. We don't have to look too far in the news to see multiple instances of hetero marriages going bad. We have Tiger Woods, who seemed to find sanctity of his marriage only in the public. We have Charlie Sheen who seems to have gone from a nice guy on TV (ha) to physically assaulting his wife. We have the Governor of South Carolina who was so concerned about his marriage he flew off to Brazil. Then we have a gay guy, McGreevey in New Jersey, who tried to follow the sanctity of marriage idea. Remember? had a child, married twice, and in the end came o

I woke up this morning. Realizing, for walking down the street of Uganda I could be tortured, and killed for being how I was born. That loving another man could get me killed. Imagine, the child being born in Uganda today, gay and all of the laws and communications would be that he not only is he different, not only is how he was born wrong and a sin, but the state and people will have the right to take his life in the name of God. More.. surprisingly was that this started with ministers from the USA in Uganda to tell how they can be healed. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/04/world/africa/04uganda.html As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I am a lucky man. I live in what I believe to be a free country. I also happen to live in one state that trusts my choices of who to love all the way to being able to marry. Florida is not as progressive as Massachusetts but I don't fear for my life every day because of who I am. It keeps me afraid for the children. Those in these ministers

First of all... my last post had comments I think from people I may not know. Scary Ain't it! I keep wondering... as I start this new year of 2010... what I have to be happy about. Not that I am not generally a happy person, but 2009 has had many changes and frankly many challenges. I assume these changes and their accompanied challenges will carry into 2010, but I always try to take inventory of where and how my life is going. I was in a taxi yesterday afternoon, to go to a party at Kevin and Rich's for the new year. The driver asked what resolutions I had to make, and I said none. I promised not to make any last year and by gosh that seemed to work out quite well. That does not answer the question above, which is what do I have to be happy about as the new year starts. So as a compliment to the list of what I know and don't at the end of the year here we go. 1) I am happy that what I have in front of me are choices in life. At a time, as we come out of this recess