ABSILVER's World

I wonder about home.. and homes again. I seem fixated on this topic of late. Where should my home be? and what constitutes home. We have a study in contrast at the moment. One home.. is small, social, with plenty of new friends nearby. Accepting, intellectual, and much to be desired I think. One home.. is a nice house. Great neighborhood, and great location. But, only has really one friend nearby. And, has memories... of lives past. Then there maybe a future home.. not sure where or when that will materialize. Are memories an albatross bringing me down? or are they a link to my future? time will tell.

I sit here on the morning of June 29 th , my 19 year old niece up stairs and I am wondering about my life's future. She is bright, confident, and growing up to be a charming young lady. I argued with her Mom about this actually. She is here for the summer working, almost a senior at UGA already, and her Mom said she was sending a teenager to me. I denied that and said she was an adult. I must confess to having some stress over this conversation. If she were not an adult, and were going to live here for the summer, I would not have been a happy person. Part of the reason for her being here, is so I can go to Provincetown and have someone looking after house and home. So having my car, and home being watched after by a teenager as compared to an adult would have made me nervous. I also remembered being 19, and had just gotten the co-oping job with IBM. So, I didn't remember thinking of myself as a teenager. Here I was living in Atlanta, working, and as previously post

In the movie, Notes from a Scandal, the comment is made to mind the gap. Mind the gap between what your life is as compared to what you dreamed it would be. I think I am minding the gap today.. but the question is how to cross that gap to the life that I want or dream of. The life I am dreaming of is one of happiness and being content. I am afraid at times the gap I am minding at the moment is the life that once was to the one that will or can be. The relationship.. the love.. the work. All of these things change, life changes and the challenge before me is how not to just mind the gap. Not just how to look at the yellow tape of warning, but to cross the gap. Is it to get on a train to a new world and a new life? or is it walk back up the stairs from the platform back to where I was. Truthfully, I have never walked back from the gaps of my life and don't expect to this time. The question is.. is Highland Park on both sides of the GAP? is Fort Lauderdale across the GAP?

Great Question... I found this paper weight in Key West, Florida. When I was on a Leave of Absence. I look at it every morning and wonder. What would Brian do if he could not fail.. and what would that mean? It comes at me from multiple places.. where would I live? What would I do? What would be the value to me and to others? and as I have said many times here, would I be happy. If happiness is a noble goal, and is of itself helpful in becoming more generous to the world around us, then what can Brian's happiness bring? These questions are very focused in my mind, because for me they also center on where I choose to live. I am a very lucky man. My employer, for all practical purposes, does not care where I live. And, as long as I am not living in Savannah, there is really no one who actually cares where I live either. There are friends in Highland Park who I assume would like to see me stay here. Friends and neighbors in Provincetown that would like to see me there more.. A

Life is an adventure.. and our choices as to handle that adventure that defines us. People who live, work, love and die in the same city... People who wonder around in a mobile home, or a houseboat... People who plant their feet like a tree with shallow roots... ready to hop on the next wind that will pick them up an take them to the next place. And... some like myself, look like the latter but are still looking for that place to plant deep roots. Where neither wind, rain, work, nor life changes could make me want to move my home. I am lucky to have lived as an adult in many different cities. But, I wonder if I will ever find a place that I say this is a home. Where when my end on this earth comes that is where it will happen? Each place I have lived has touched me differently. Partly, because of the stage of my life, but also because of their uniqueness. I sit here on a journey back to New Jersey.. first a Ferry from Provincetown.. night in Cambridge and the back home to Jersey t