ABSILVER's World

.I know with what happened in Newton, that what is below is really trivial in comparison.  I also know that I should write something, but I don't know what to write about a senseless tragedy.   Would gun control have prevented this?  if all teachers had guns would they have shot him before he shot anyone?  What can you do to protect children without them feeling so protected that they don't grow up with the sense to take care and secure themselves?  but, I don't know these answers... so I am writing about something pretty trivial, unless you are an artist or a miffed iphone owner. OK.. I am not really mad at Ford. OK.. Only slightly mad at MicroSoft and..  Apple I have a bone to pick with you. So.. how do these all come together?  I got a new iPhone 5, at the same time I got a new Ford Fusion with their Sync technology developed by Microsoft. So... it all starts.. with I had backed up my iphone4 and all the music to the iCloud. (Apple's v...

I have a confession to make.  I hope it doesn't come off as being a Grinchy moment.  But, I don't understand Christmas.  Please, Fox News, I am not part of the official attack on Christmas. Please, understand, I know that it is the Celebration of Jesus Christ's birthday.  I know something about a manger scene, because I have seen them all over since I was born.  Even saw a live rendition at the Radio City Christmas show, and even though many think it is wrong I think it is a Christmas celebration so it should be there. I get the present giving part, and the family and the joy of being together.  I understand the warmth and caring.  The beautiful holiday windows, and even to some degree the pageantry of Santa Clause. Not sure I understand the symbolism of the Christmas Tree, stockings, or the basic traditions around Christmas.   Cause, I haven't celebrated as many of you have your whole life. Unlike many of my Jewish friends, my ...

I am on another flight, and yes it is time to write for my blog. Last Sunday, was my 48th birthday.  As much as I tried to hide the fact that it was my birthday, from Facebook to just not mentioning to anyone it happened anyway.  This birthday may have come to pass as one of the most interesting and best of my life so far.  You must understand my birthdays growing up were heavily influenced by being born the day before Thanksgiving.  It is frankly more about my birthday consistently being around a holiday which everyone celebrates.  I don't remember feeling somehow left out of the birthday fun.  I wasn't a popular young kid.  So, the idea of birthday parties and big events in school would have been more out of the norm for me and made me feel quite uncomfortable.  I remember the one birthday party Mom hosted for me at the house.  I don't have much memory of it other than there was a huge ordeal to make sure we really did keep kosher...

As I sit here, three days post-election, I worry about the future of the Republican Party.  This may come as a surprise to many. I had much to celebrate Tuesday night.  I believe the best man won to lead our nation.   I am glad to see gains in the senate for women.  The idea of a solid and balanced Supreme Court seems pretty solid.   A woman's right to control her body is safe.   Frankly, a balanced Supreme Court will be for a fairly long time.  I am sure that many that bemoan Obamacare are happy they and their children will continue to have benefits till they are 26 on their employer’s plans.  We can celebrate that the election occurred without the entire rancor and legal challenges that the press warned us of.    That with all of our challenges we have conducted an election and the success of our process for elections is not perfect, but by gosh it does work and we have peace on our shores post election. ...

Ever have a thread on a sweater ? Or a seam on a pair of pants with a thread hanging? Or a book awkward on. Shelf ? You know if you pull on them, the shelf will fall, the pants will be ruined,or the sweater will fall apart.   No matter how I try not to, I am going to pull to see what happens. More to the point, I will follow my instincts even if I know I am going to get hurt.   If, I think it it is necessary.  Whether it is to protect me, someone I love or this need to discover the truth and to be true to myself. I sit here hurting, and once again single.  I pulled the thread of truth and found heartbreak at the end. Maybe I am too rigid ?  But at the core of my appearing to be rigid is my strength.  I have written about the price of being in control of me.  I sit here sad but not willing to give that up. I could be more spontaneous ? But that doesn't translate to jumping on roller coasters or risking my career or stability. The t...

Apparently I am my car... For those of you that didn't know, I actually got a new car in July.  Oddly, I think in 3 months I have driven it a little over 650 miles, but that is primarily because of travel and Provincetown.   I owned a 2010 Mercury Milan, and liked it.  Was about to come off of warranty so traded for a 2012 Ford Fusion.  Realizing that they had a new model coming out so I could negotiate a fair deal. What does this have to do with me? some people end up looking like their pets apparently I end up acting like my car.  I have owned Buicks, Nissans, Volvos, and even and SUV.  Frankly, I don't think most of them would have made it on the cover of MotorTrend, but I liked most of them...  So here I am in a 2012 mid-size sedan.  It is very similar to the Milan, of course, but a little bit upgraded.  V6 engine, leather seats, and the queerest (I must say) ambient lighting I have seen.  ...

I have had what must be one of the most amazing four weeks I have had in quite a while.  I feel like I have been reconnected with the core of my being that was always there but I needed to peak inside.  I mentioned in a recent blog about the need of control.  Not of the world around me but the cost of actually making sure I feel in control of me and my destiny. One can only say in the last few years, I have made some changes in my life.  If you looked at my life ten years ago, it would look similar maybe on paper as they say.  Well maybe, I was part of my own family.  I lived in New Jersey in a great home and was able to spend winters in Fort Lauderdale, with Harry and Daisy.  My job was more high profile, I think I was leading WebSphere sales for general business worldwide and trying to make a difference in a business environment in a large company, IBM.   Life was more about phone calls, and getting on planes and driving new action and a...

Today is My Dad's birthday .... I feel like sharing some random thoughts about himand I.  1. Going to six flags (or and Rock City) and he carried me everywhere and didn't go on any rides cause I wouldn't go. Think I was three or four.  2. His gentle love and admiration for my Mom's mother.  3. He continues to show the love and respect for my mother.  4. If all gay children had him for a father... they would not be ashamed of who they are. They would realize their father (and Mother's) love is unconditional. Think of the end of bullying and suicides just cause they are queer.  5. He put up with AEPi family weekends even though all the jokes against TEP.  6. Surviving teaching me to drive.  7. Teaching me to drive a manual shift car in a weekend and living to tell about it.  8. His gentleness with his parents and especially my grandfather later in life . 9. Showing his children that a man willing to show his love and care for others is a...

Truthfully the focus of my mind is the cost of independence. There is a point in my days lately where I see that wanting independence and more honestly control of ones destiny comes at a cost. I always think of that truly inner self for me as being a fortress. Walls of thick cement. Keeping in control my inner strength, nurturing my desires, my inner wishes. I also think of it as having a lookout post where there I can observe everything around me and provide inner commentary as needed. My mental sentry is watching me. I hate to admit it but it also contains some parts of me that I hide from the world. For a long time I hid that I was gay. Not just from the world but from myself as well. Sometimes I have thoughts that if anyone heard would probably send me to a deserted island. Usually they are just an odd observation, or just a bitchy thought that is unwarranted. Sometimes it is just an oddity of the moment. The point is that in many ways this fortress is shrinking. I don't have...

What do I do?  Glen says the last blog was written before... nothing new. Is it that my life has changed? or is it that for the first time in a while my life feels right.   I have to confess to loving my home in Fort Lauderdale.  Loving my friends in Fort Lauderdale.  Loving my work life, except for one small detail, it keeps me from Fort Lauderdale more than I want.  Now, I have to suffer (smiles) in Petaluma, CA and San Francisco most of the time.  But, still this is home and the more time I am here the more I realize it.  It is quite amazing that more than 14 years ago I moved into this building, and now I am here still.  Not in the same unit, but the same floor, and enjoying the potential and my life moving forward. So, I thought what might keep Glen Dyning reading my blog? How about things that frustrate me lately? 1) People who share their observations as facts. 2) Why I can't snap my fingers and swap between Provincetown and Fort...

I sit here wondering about the past weeks, and wondering about tomorrow.  These maybe end up being the best written of my blog.  I sit here typing and not really sure of where I am going, but i feel compelled to write nonetheless. This past week I went to Impact 2012.  IBM's SOA and WebSphere conference, as a sales and marketing leader for my iSOA Group, Inc. an IBM business partner.   I have been to Impact before as  IBM employee and a partner in my own business.  Two years ago I went, and I came to the realization that I wanted to go back.  I enjoyed doing the marketing planning workshops, but frankly I was getting to a place where they were rote for me.  It wasn't easy to do a workshop, or easy to come out with a really good plan, but there was something that I realized I had two paths in the woods.  Either the market planning was a new life or I had to do something else.  Else, was the pleasure of looking at th...

I went for my walk on the beach this morning.  Just happens to be the second day of Passover and Easter.  Wondering about God and the world I live in. For the first forty years of my life, I was the obedient son.  More to the point was an obedient grandson.   I couldn't imagine telling Grandpa I didn't go to shul on a Yom Tov.  Certainly would have not decided not to go to a Seder or host my own.  To the contrary, I even joined a gay shul so I could say I was a member of a synagogue even though I only went there for the high holidays. Even as I came out to myself, fell in love, and grew as a person I kept kosher.   Hosted sedurim of my own. Tried to accept my religion while at the same time learning to accept the person I am.  The idea of questioning religion and every rule is a Jewish tradition.  Any one who understands where the Talmud came frame knows that debating of Judaism and the meaning of the "word" of God is a Jewish tradition...

I think there are choices in life... you make a choice to be alive at times and more important to live. There are people who spend every waking moment focused on what Dr. Oz recommends to eat, drink, or breathe to stay alive. But they forget there is a reason we are here. I would suggest that reason is to live. If you believe in a God and there are times I do wonder. I can't believe an omnipotent being put us here on this earth to serve him or her. Frankly, why would she? She could have anything she wants, and control its destiny. Instead if you believe in Judaism, I was taught God put us on this earth with the personal ability to make choices for or against her. That means we can make mistakes. We can choose to go down a road not chosen. We can make our lives miserable, happy, pious, generous, selfish, kind or anything within our capacity. Why would a God do that? Think about it. Are we really the first reality TV. The God of all got bored and decided one day to create...

Things I am sure of at this moment.. 1) When I am alone I am not lonely. 2) My home in Fort Lauderdale still pleases me. 3) I get to go for a walk on the beach every morning.. and the view is never quite the same. 4) That the city of Fort Lauderdale invests in keeping the beach clean even in tough budget times. 5) I can just sit in peace and quiet and be content. 6) That I love dogs.. 7) I think I have some of the best friends I have had in my life. Many seem to know when to engage or advise, when to be there, when to be supportive, and when to kick me in the but when I need it. 8) I have a great job with people that I truly like, and I they like me. 9) Sorry Jack, but I don't have to look forward to Dancing With the Stars coming back. 10) I don't have much to worry about... although being my nature I will worry some any way. Wouldn't want to fall out of practice. 11) With all the nonsense of our elections, it is good to be an American. 12) The Publisher of the Atlanta ...