Happy Belated Birthday to Me!

I am on another flight, and yes it is time to write for my blog.

Last Sunday, was my 48th birthday.  As much as I tried to hide the fact that it was my birthday, from Facebook to just not mentioning to anyone it happened anyway.  This birthday may have come to pass as one of the most interesting and best of my life so far. 

You must understand my birthdays growing up were heavily influenced by being born the day before Thanksgiving.  It is frankly more about my birthday consistently being around a holiday which everyone celebrates.  I don't remember feeling somehow left out of the birthday fun.  I wasn't a popular young kid.  So, the idea of birthday parties and big events in school would have been more out of the norm for me and made me feel quite uncomfortable.  I remember the one birthday party Mom hosted for me at the house.  I don't have much memory of it other than there was a huge ordeal to make sure we really did keep kosher and the food served would be kosher.  I don't even remember what we did, and I think I realized this was what kids did they went to parties but didn't think it had much to do with it being my birthday.

There are a few birthdays in my past that were memorable.  I remember being in Anderson, with my Mom, Dad, and Grandmother having Thanksgiving dinner at the Elks Club.  I think my birthday was on Thanksgiving and felt quite special just the four of us.  Certainly, my Bar Mitzvah was a great memory.  I remember my first Birthday with Harry.  He took me to a very famous New York restaurant and we had a multicourse dinner that seemed to keep going, and then went to see Victor Victoria which was my first Broadway musical.  I remember just feeling very special and was my first year in New York.   I have written about going to see Bette Midler in Las Vegas a few years ago by myself, and enjoying the peace of being alone.  Last year, and this, Christian and Leo took me to a nice dinner and again had the luxury of feeling special.  But, as a whole, I have had more memorable Christmases and I am Jewish. (Smiles) So, focusing on my own birthday just isn't a priority for me.

But, this birthday didn't start out that like any ordinary birthday for me .  It was focused on what will happen for Thanksgiving, am I cooking, and the journey ahead and certainly not on my birthday.   But, this birthday didn't follow a linear path for me.   Back in the spring, Graham, Mark and I decided to go to Savannah for Thanksgiving.  The idea was to drive up, and frankly take the cooking chore from my family and have a nice meal and introduce them to my family and Savannah.  We rented Paula Dean's first house (not owned by her any more, was nice, but not exactly the kitchen we hoped for). 

The adventure, started with Graham and Mark giving me some mounted and large pictures of Provincetown for me to hang in the condo in Fort Lauderdale for my birthday and wasn't even my birthday yet...  They knew this was something I wanted for a while and made me feel special and realized it took time and plans.  So I thought onward to Savannah.  We stopped in St. Augustine and spent Tuesday night there and had a very nice time.  I assume if you follow any of us on Facebook you have seen the pictures.  We had drinks at a hotel bar that overlooked the water , was a cool night, and all decked out for Christmas.  Not only was the view festive, but the trolleys driving around were all Christmas themed and everyone was waving and having a good time.  So, we had a nice time... fun pictures, and the three amigos were on there way. 

Then on to Savannah.  We checked into the Paula Dean House.  The day started with Dad ending up in a brief stay in the hospital.  I couldn't have been more lucky to have friends that understood the right priorities.  Let me go spend time with my family, and were willing to hold on being tourists.  They were good to my parents, and knowing they love me and care is a fabulous gift every day and for my birthday.  We went down to the river for lunch with my sister and niece.  I spent time with my father.  We had dinner with my Mom, and then went to the airport to pick up Graham's husband Bruce from the airport.  (Thanks Donna for Driving!) My Dad is fine, and was home for Thanksgiving and we had a nice dinner that we all cooked.   My parents gave me a nice jacket.  Then that evening we went out with my sister and nieces and beaus and had a very nice time for dinner and on River Street.  If my sister suggests going to a bar that will be fun, just go!!!

Frankly, the idea of being with my family, my friends who happen to be gay, and just being with them all is a norm for me.  It never crossed my mind to worry about how my family would react, or that they would have a hard time embracing them and liking them as much as I do cause they are gay.  My friends from Provincetown in the summer were similarly surprised by how easy my cousins were with them, me, and the gay environment of Provincetown. 

I am afraid that I have taken this for granted.  Maybe, it is because I have been out to my family now almost 20 years and the idea that my being gay is or could be an issue is just not something I have had to worry about.  That said, I shouldn't take it for granted.  I have friends that don't go home for holidays.  Friends, who have family that have decided they are wrong as loving gay men cause God said so.  Others, who have warm homes, loving spouses, great jobs but parents can't accept them for who they love. Or, Moms that say it is ok if they are gay as long as they don't bring their husband or wife with them to family events.   I don't minimize that it probably wasn't easy for my folks when I came out, but I never felt unwanted, unloved, or had to question how they felt about me. 

I sit on this flight, knowing I am a happy person.  I have had the luxury of a good 48 years and thankfully look forward to maybe another 48 years or more.  (we have good genes in this family... :) )  What would I be like with parents who didn't let me know from the very moment I came out that they loved me.   That they accepted me, and even though there were a few bumps in the road, never made me feel second class or that they were disappointed in me.  I frankly don't remember any difference from my extended family, and certainly this helps me as I realize my happiness. 

My Mom and Dad are at the heart of this, and the heart of my happiness.  I sit here at 48 years, single, gay, Jewish, great friends and happiness because of them.  I don't know what more I could want for a birthday.  Maybe that is why I never worried about my birthdays, because I always knew they loved me and that I would be ok in their eyes.   Maybe, that is why even though it took me a while to come to grips with being gay I, I always knew I was different and that was OK.  When I was at my loneliest as an adult, they were not just my parents but my confidants, friends, and were there to support me and are today. 

So, I had a great Thanksgiving... and we headed back to Fort Lauderdale.  Anyone who thinks the Ford Fusion is not a good road car should just ask Mark and Bruce.  I think we made it from Savannah to Fort Lauderdale in about 7 hours and that included a few pit stops and lunch.  (smiles)

Then Sunday was my birthday, and went to the Ramrod gay bar. I have spent a few happy hours and happy times there with friends.  Not to mention, oddly enough, met Harry, accepted job offers, confirmed home sales and purchases while there.  Then, I get a text from the head bartender Kevin to come over about 5PM and they had a surprise birthday cake and cards for me.   Mark, and I were to do dinner, and I sort of botched that up.  I just wanted a casual dinner at the Alibi.  He wanted to take me somewhere more special and I didn't just make that easy for him.  (Sorry Mark!)  But he did take me and Graham somewhere special Tuesday night.

So, after so many quiet birthdays the 48th one just kept going, including dinner with Christian and Leo Friday night.  What I know from this birthday.  I am a very lucky man.  I have a great family, a great family of friends, and even though I can't get a lottery number right I am certain I am one of the luckiest of men.