I sit here wondering about the past weeks, and wondering about tomorrow

I sit here wondering about the past weeks, and wondering about tomorrow.  These maybe end up being the best written of my blog.  I sit here typing and not really sure of where I am going, but i feel compelled to write nonetheless.

This past week I went to Impact 2012.  IBM's SOA and WebSphere conference, as a sales and marketing leader for my iSOA Group, Inc. an IBM business partner.   I have been to Impact before as  IBM employee and a partner in my own business.  Two years ago I went, and I came to the realization that I wanted to go back.  I enjoyed doing the marketing planning workshops, but frankly I was getting to a place where they were rote for me.  It wasn't easy to do a workshop, or easy to come out with a really good plan, but there was something that I realized I had two paths in the woods.  Either the market planning was a new life or I had to do something else.  Else, was the pleasure of looking at the IBM teams as family and I had an opportunity and I went back.

I sit here thinking about this past week, because I think I am like a married man who decides to spend more time with the in-laws.  In other words, as much as I respect IBM and the people I worked with and for, I don't feel like they are my family the way I did.  Frankly, I think of them as friends and family but I feel like I am more of a person dealing with their family after a round of really good therapy.   When I was in therapy, this last time, I felt like I found a way to see my life moving at a speed slower than my mind so I could see what was coming and not just react.  

I think the same is true of my relationship with IBM.   The last year has shown me some of the best parts of IBM.  Frankly, one of those best parts are IBM products that seem to be getting better and better.   I don't remember since the announcement of the AS/400, ebusiness and SOA that feeling that IBM has creating a marketplace for itself to be a leader in.  It also has shown me that IBM support and technical support is there as strong as ever.

 But, I must confess, I feel like I am experiencing the best of IBM while being able to deliver my best by working for a very good IBM partner.  Focus on the customer, the right solutions, the best efforts to succeed and happiness and success will be there.  Frankly, at Impact I was able to balance marketing and sales skills and deliver what felt like a really good event for the iSOA team, and for me.

I also realized at the same time, how important the people and friends at IBM are to me.  Many of them are some of the longest friendships of my life, and many are like family to me.  Just cause I moved out of town doesn't mean that my heart and feelings are not with each of them.  Corporate America is continuing to grow the pressure on employees.  Nothing unique to IBM here, but that kind of pressure is tough to deal with.  Especially if you have been with them a long time and remember a time of simpler efforts and expectations.  

I was talking to a few people about when we started.  I was a marketing rep, salesman, and the goal obviously was to make quota.  IBM in those days had what was called the 100% club.  This was an award trip for marketing reps who made their number.  My first year I didn't.  I remember to this day how bad I felt not going, and frankly a sense that my time at IBM would be short if I didn't turn this around.   I mention this to say that the pressure was quite intense.   You didn't want to not make the club.  You definitely wanted to be at the top of a leader board, but at the same time you felt like you were chasing a number more than your colleagues.  I remember the first real award I got was for leading the southern area in AS/400 sales.  The feeling of not just being successful but also being recognized for it.   I also remember the day I knew I would make my first 100% club.  I think I wrote about it, but I found about 100 PC's that had not been claimed for revenue and I was on my way to San Francisco.  I remember realizing that I was part of something, that I had achieved success, and that I was frankly a more capable salesman then I expected to be possible.

IBM was pressure filled, but the pressure also had release valves.  Maybe it was that we all worked in an office and had to be there some portion of every day.  So, the need to get along was quite important.  I am not sure, but frankly the energy today is so high pressure that I wonder if it produces the value the executives expect.  I am sure they know better than I, but it seems to me that teamwork is a little bit harder to come by than in years past.

So, I sit here .. as the sun sets.  In a condo that I only have myself to blame.  Frankly, I like it every day.  I came home Thursday evening and I remember feeling a peace and warmth envelope me as I walked in.  Similar feelings to the first time I walked into the condo in Ptown.   I am happy in my own skin.   Happy in the choices I have made work and life.  I am also happy that I work in an environment where happiness is a priority.  Where walking around an IBM reception handing out BOA's and celebrating individuality made me realize how lucky I am.

I love the people I worked with at IBM.   I love the people I work with now.  Frankly, I wouldn't trade where I am today for anyone or any where.