If a tree falls down in the woods.. and no one hears it.

I sit here getting ready for the day of work. I find the typing and blogging to be good, and feel somewhat obligated to write something ever so often. And yet, I know of only 4 or 5 people that I have shared this with. They are probably the only people that even know blog is out there. I don't put labels on my posts and doubt that I am on the Google radar screen, but I still like to write occasionally.

So, if no one really reads my blog does it matter? Maybe, maybe not.. as I really am using it as I have therapy. It is an opportunity to put out there what is in my mind and heart and try to not edit myself. Discuss the death of Daisy? being a Jewish boy in Savannah? A wet rainy vacation day in Key West? All of these things have meaning to me and yet writing about them today mostly serves the writer.

I have let a few people I trust read the blog. I have purposely kept it from my family and even some close friends. Why? It is sort of like coming out again to me. This blog is both public and personal. I could be gay in Fort Lauderdale and no one knew but me and the men I met. What a luxury to be able to explore who Brian is and was at the time, and not have to worry about what my family would think? My colleagues as work? Fraternity brothers?

The blog is my attempt to have that similar sandbox and for now that means not telling my family. Although, I let my niece that is in college read my blog. Why? I love her and trust her. I figure she is in school and I will not be any nuttier than the rest of her classmates at this stage. I also feel closer to her, and think she may learn occasionally from my experiences. I also know there is a slight risk she might share it with family, but I doubt that quite seriously.

So, for now, if no one really reads this blog it is fine. As blogging is to coming out I assume I will have to at some point share this with more people. Maybe for some odd reason someone will find me on google and start reading? and then what?

Any way.. time for work and more..

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