ABSILVER's World

I drove around last night for a while, and thought about the choices of my life. Frankly, there is one consistent theme as an adult. My therapist, Linda, said it started at the age of 8 that I had a drive to be independent and protect myself. I realized as I drove around, and in discussions over the weekend there is a price for my kind of independence. Even though it is quite personal I thought it would make an interesting blog entry as we head to the new year. When I was in college, after my first year, I lived alone. I had my own room at the Fraternity house always. Even when I moved back into the dorm in my senior year, I actually had a football player for a roommate and so he was only there in title. When I left school, I lived alone in Jacksonville except for a pretty pathetic 30 days where I tried to live with two other friends and that just didn't work. My memory is the challenge was not with them, but with me. I missed having space to call my own beyond a bedroo

I sit here... feeling like quite lucky man. I sit here on my patio and watching the wind blow through the trees. The river has some ripples.. and the trees continue to blow and all I can think of is how lucky I am. Did I mention it is 77, and sunny and Minneapolis had to postpone a football game because of snow and the Giants could not get there in time to be ready to play at 1pm. And I sit in shorts, and it is 77 and sunny. I do want to remark that it will be 48 tonight. We have had some chilly evenings here. Quite early in the year for south Florida. But, I don't think anyone in Minneapolis would want to hear me complain about 48 tonight and a high of 63 tomorrow. With any luck, by the end of the month I will have started ownership of 311. 7 doors down, and an extra bed room and bathroom and a similar view as I have now. Other than the quite redneck picture in my head, of moving down the hall, I am quite excited about the possibilities of my new home and realizing that m

Here I sit on another flight.. headed to Fort Lauderdale and as I occassionally do with my blog.. it is time to ramble through some thoughts. I am getting ready to see a friend, a best friend that I have not seen in almost 20 years. I was thinking about what if the question came up what was the highlight of your life so far. I have written about so many of them in my blog, being in a loving relationship, sharing a fabulous dog, the passing of family, friends and Pets. But, what struck me was that I could say one of those moments was last Sunday. I have a good friend, Mark, in Fort Lauderdale. I woke up in Provincetown, and through text and picture messages I took Mark on a walk with me. Down Commercial Street, looking at some of the decorations for Halloween, and it was fun to take somoene with me even though he was not sharing my walk in person. Then as I walked out toward the breakers, and turned I saw one of the most amazing sights of my life. Spread out before me were dunes

Sunday, after a long life my Uncle Kenny Passed on to the next world. As I sit here, getting ready to start the day of work there is a slow rain outside my window and calm to the day. Good time to reflect and also to take in the last few days. The Rabbi, at their home on Monday evening, asked people to share memories of my Uncle Kenny and all I could do was just stand in silence. Seeing my cousins and generations standing around reminded me of how special he was to so many. After my cousin Sherri was so eloquent and heart felt at the funeral, I felt speechless and was not sure what to say. But, sitting on the flight home I found some thoughts and wanted and started to write this as I complete it today. My first clear memories are at my Grandmother's house. The Bassners and Silvermans for Thanksgiving and her birthday and Mother's Day. We would be up the day before and the Bassners would come in the next day. Uncle Keeny always seemed to be upbeat, and had a zest f

I was prodded, thankfully, by Glen to write in my blog. (now two post in one day) Interestingly enough, I have written to articles on the iPad and on a flight and just never got arround to posting them. So, I will dust those off as well and see if they warrant posting, Today I am struck this morning by what it means to our own history. Both, our perspective on history and our desire or lack of desire to leave a legacy of our own. I have a good friend who created an exhibit at the stonewall libray in Fort Lauderdale. It is an exhibit on camp. When you are there you see these fabulous posters on the history of Camp and right along with it is a time line of a gay coming out in the USA. This timeline of from when gay was not even spoken of in code, to our current world where many people feel safe in our ability to express who we are. Frankly, this manifests itself in gay rights. In fighting for marriage equality possibly at the Supreme court. It manifests itself in a Tea Party mo

It is only ten minutes... Here I sit on a flight and as always it makes me want to think and write in my blog. I keep thinking about ten minutes.and how my mind and outlook on life has been shaped by working at IBM. . You might wonder what 10 minutes has to do with this, and it comes down to Thursday afternoon. There I was getting ready for a 4pm call and it was suggested we needed a few slides to review for the call. Of course this request would have to come to me at 3:50 pm. So this is where ten minutes comes in. When I started at IBM, I would have thought the request was crazy who could possibly throw something together in ten minutes. But, after many years at IBM, I didn't question. The request, realizing I had two pitches that together would work... I created a new pitch and got it out for the call with two minutes to spare. What I remembered thinking about after was no waste of time worrying if this could be done. I just knew it had to be done for the vice p

I am in Provincetown and the magic is in the air. Men, women, gay, straight all walking and being happy they are here. Great weather day and here I sit watching the water as the sun sets and thinking of a glass of wine. What struck me today, walking, and smiling and going to Tea Dance was a great comfort in me. That I was never the pretty boy, and I don't feel like the most handsome man at the fair but I feel comfortable in who Brian is and how I approach my life and a moment. I don't try and wear designer labels that younger men would wear. Frankly, I don't try to wear designer labels any way. If there is a Calvin Klein name in my house frankly it in my comforter, and underwear from Costco. That said, I watch all these men that are my age or older trying to dress as if they still are the pretty one in the room. Wearing an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt too tight for their age and body. Or, the man who decides to go shirtless and looks like his body does not match his