ABSILVER's World

We all have our own definitions of what these words mean.. and frankly how to explain them to others. Is love about passion? is it about the love felt because someone is your child? friend? spouse? pet? There are so many kinds of love in the world one must wonder how to find comfort in such a word. We all seem to not just want but to need real love. In my mind, as Barbra Streisand sings on her Superman Album Love Comes From Unexpected Places. It can be a man standing in a bar. It can come from sitting out in the sun with an incomparable dog... just looking for love and affection. Or, can come in from the cold on winter night when you are just trying to chill at a restaurant or bar alone. But, we all seem to thing we know what love is when it comes to our door. To me, there is an unexpected love. The love that when it hits you, you know that your life will never be the same. That when you find that person your heart opens a hidden door. There is some compartment or ability to

Have you every wondered what it is like living in the San Diego zoo? Imagine, that you lived in your home and environment and all was fine. The same house, the same trees, the same chair you maybe sitting in now. The only difference is that now there are people walking by and watching you. If you decide to eat, drink, sleep, walk down the hallway for popcorn here are people watching. That is what I thought of this morning in Provincetown. Walking down the street and watching it come alive with tourists. And seeing their eyes as they see the lush flowers, the stores open, the restaurants and just people all meandering from here to there. Looking at the homes, and enjoying a break from their lives and comparing this to whatever their life maybe. Similar to being at the zoo watching the chimpanzees eating bananas and socializing. What strikes me.. is in this case the animals are the locals now such as myself. Living in the house, going to the store, and doing every day things.. w

Selling Highland Park for me is like a caterpillar who has to wrap itself in a cocoon and shed its skin to be become a butterfly. This morning I am home, sittin here in Provincetown... I never thought 3 years ago that I was moving home when I bought this condo. I bought it for an escape from New Jersey and to give me a gay escape (and Harry) in the months we were up north. But, Provincetown has a way of working itself under your skin and with a great family here at the condo and new friends all over town, Provincetown slowly became home and Highland Park slowly became a destination to escape when I needed space. So.. it maybe smaller (i.e. how does 2200 go into 310) but it is home and I slept like a baby finally being home last night. This sale has made for a very trying month. Selling real estate, or more to the point being a seller of real estate, is not an easy or pleasant task. Inspections, repairs, permits, lack of permits by town folk that knew what was going on from the be

As I end one phase of my life for another.. as I sell the house in New Jersey I keep trying to reach back to the best memories here. I have memories of finding this house the first day Harry and I started to look for a home we would live in together with Daisy. Moving in... Decorating the house and enjoying creating a magical home together. My mother's birthday party with her (and my) family. Parties.. spring fling last year with Barry Last summer with my niece.. Donna here and in Provincetown. Passover Seders But what I realized tonight is the best memories don't have a date. The best times were spending them with Harry, Daisy and creating a life that just worked. Day to day.. work to work.. walk the dog.. clean the house (ok hire Maria to clean the house). The best times were really days.. and weekends. Walking, eating, cooking and watching silly English comedies on the weekend. So.. as my life moves on I need to remember the best of times don't have a date or an eve

I sit here in Fort Lauderdale, in the middle of Passover, and tomorrow is Easter. Not only is it a lovely day in paradise, but it has been a great day to go walking. And for me walking means thinking.. I start out with the music, listening to Diana Ross, ABBA, Heather Small and others and all of a sudden something catches my mind and the ear buds come out I remember the first MP3 player I had. Was a samsung and I enjoyed it but I realized while focusing on the music I didn't always think and missed those times alone with myself. Today's journey is a journey of religious confusion, and a journey of deciding again what it means to be gay. I keep hearing that conservative factions of my religion andreligions around the world don't hate gay people they just hate the sin of "gay" acts. I assume they mean sex. In other words, it is ok to beattracted to people of the same gender just don't have sex with them. I read the press release from the Orthodox

I sit here in Fort Lauderdale alone... in many ways feeling out of the norm. Odd moments: * In my ex's condo, that we shared while together. Able to see the changes we made together, sitting on the sofa we found together, and even looking at the CD holder my father and uncle put up on the wall for us. * Went out to Java Boys for coffee, and watching the men waking up from a Saturday night of fun. Even though, was out to dinner with fellows, talk about a new TV show.. 5 gay Jewish men out for dinner! OY! * Single, left IBM, with opportunities opening up sooner than I expected and wondering about what, where my future is, and what do I want it to be. * Wondering about what comes next in my life sitting here alone and feeling content with my life today. I sit here not in immediate desire of a husband, and continually challenged when I find a relationship. Successful relationships for me are about balance and equality. Where each is able to support themselves, independent enough

What is peace, happiness and tranquility? I sit here on a flight back to Jersey wondering how to buck the trend and the magnetism of the "Rat Race"? In other words, at the age of 44 and at the end of my career at IBM how do I resist the obvious. How do I resist putting together a star resume, reaching out to friends and trade in one corporate badge for another? As, I sit here after spending a little more than two weeks in Fort Lauderdale, my view on peace and happiness is beginning to change. Is it possible to find a simpler life with work that is more rewarding and not all consuming of time and attention. So many nights at IBM ended and started the same way. Two hands on keyboard chatting, email or analysis focused on IBM instead of falling asleep with me, life, family or love as my focus.No regrets about IBM ... Just want to maintain focus on what is important to ME as I look to the next stage of my life.