ABSILVER's World

Where do I fit in? Am I a nice southern man, living up north? I don't feel too southern these days. I know my roots are in Savannah, GA but I must confess to feeling more an affinity to the northeast these days. Am I a New Yorker? I may live in Jersey, but I bet most of the people living around me identify with New York. I love New York. I enjoy the city, the shows, the sights, but not sure I would fit the definition. As I look to people in New York, the speed, the drive the desire the constant activity.. I don't think I fit. Am I a Ptown Townie? I love Provincetown , and the more I am here the more home it feels. But, I don't work here. I work when here, but seems like at times to be a townie and true local you need to work here. You need to earn a living based on the soil or town. I am not an artist, and don't think I have an artist's temperament . So.. although every day I feel more at home.. not sure I fit in. Am I a gay bear? I am hairy. I like

I wonder about home.. and homes again. I seem fixated on this topic of late. Where should my home be? and what constitutes home. We have a study in contrast at the moment. One home.. is small, social, with plenty of new friends nearby. Accepting, intellectual, and much to be desired I think. One home.. is a nice house. Great neighborhood, and great location. But, only has really one friend nearby. And, has memories... of lives past. Then there maybe a future home.. not sure where or when that will materialize. Are memories an albatross bringing me down? or are they a link to my future? time will tell.

I sit here on the morning of June 29 th , my 19 year old niece up stairs and I am wondering about my life's future. She is bright, confident, and growing up to be a charming young lady. I argued with her Mom about this actually. She is here for the summer working, almost a senior at UGA already, and her Mom said she was sending a teenager to me. I denied that and said she was an adult. I must confess to having some stress over this conversation. If she were not an adult, and were going to live here for the summer, I would not have been a happy person. Part of the reason for her being here, is so I can go to Provincetown and have someone looking after house and home. So having my car, and home being watched after by a teenager as compared to an adult would have made me nervous. I also remembered being 19, and had just gotten the co-oping job with IBM. So, I didn't remember thinking of myself as a teenager. Here I was living in Atlanta, working, and as previously post

In the movie, Notes from a Scandal, the comment is made to mind the gap. Mind the gap between what your life is as compared to what you dreamed it would be. I think I am minding the gap today.. but the question is how to cross that gap to the life that I want or dream of. The life I am dreaming of is one of happiness and being content. I am afraid at times the gap I am minding at the moment is the life that once was to the one that will or can be. The relationship.. the love.. the work. All of these things change, life changes and the challenge before me is how not to just mind the gap. Not just how to look at the yellow tape of warning, but to cross the gap. Is it to get on a train to a new world and a new life? or is it walk back up the stairs from the platform back to where I was. Truthfully, I have never walked back from the gaps of my life and don't expect to this time. The question is.. is Highland Park on both sides of the GAP? is Fort Lauderdale across the GAP?

Great Question... I found this paper weight in Key West, Florida. When I was on a Leave of Absence. I look at it every morning and wonder. What would Brian do if he could not fail.. and what would that mean? It comes at me from multiple places.. where would I live? What would I do? What would be the value to me and to others? and as I have said many times here, would I be happy. If happiness is a noble goal, and is of itself helpful in becoming more generous to the world around us, then what can Brian's happiness bring? These questions are very focused in my mind, because for me they also center on where I choose to live. I am a very lucky man. My employer, for all practical purposes, does not care where I live. And, as long as I am not living in Savannah, there is really no one who actually cares where I live either. There are friends in Highland Park who I assume would like to see me stay here. Friends and neighbors in Provincetown that would like to see me there more.. A

Life is an adventure.. and our choices as to handle that adventure that defines us. People who live, work, love and die in the same city... People who wonder around in a mobile home, or a houseboat... People who plant their feet like a tree with shallow roots... ready to hop on the next wind that will pick them up an take them to the next place. And... some like myself, look like the latter but are still looking for that place to plant deep roots. Where neither wind, rain, work, nor life changes could make me want to move my home. I am lucky to have lived as an adult in many different cities. But, I wonder if I will ever find a place that I say this is a home. Where when my end on this earth comes that is where it will happen? Each place I have lived has touched me differently. Partly, because of the stage of my life, but also because of their uniqueness. I sit here on a journey back to New Jersey.. first a Ferry from Provincetown.. night in Cambridge and the back home to Jersey t

I usually come to the Blog with thought in mind. Something that has me challenged, or wanting to get something out of my systems. Today is more of a "yawn" day. I spent last week on the run till late Saturday work wise. From NJ, to Dallas, to Denver and back and I am tired. I slept in. Originally was going to head to Ptown this morning and instead I woke up and went back to sleep. So "yawn" days come with rambling thoughts: * Flying this past week was actually quite pleasant until Saturday. The flight attendants and the whole business seemed to go quite smoothly. I am not sure what to say about the state of the airline industry, but American Airlines did a fine job... until Saturday. I connected through Dallas to get home from Denver. Basically, they decided to change equipment for the flight to Newark and postponed the departure from 11:50am till 1pm. What bothered me was there was no communication at all for the reason until we were on the new plane