If you knew your could not fail.. what would you do?

Great Question...

I found this paper weight in Key West, Florida. When I was on a Leave of Absence. I look at it every morning and wonder. What would Brian do if he could not fail.. and what would that mean?

It comes at me from multiple places.. where would I live? What would I do? What would be the value to me and to others? and as I have said many times here, would I be happy.

If happiness is a noble goal, and is of itself helpful in becoming more generous to the world around us, then what can Brian's happiness bring?

These questions are very focused in my mind, because for me they also center on where I choose to live. I am a very lucky man. My employer, for all practical purposes, does not care where I live. And, as long as I am not living in Savannah, there is really no one who actually cares where I live either.

There are friends in Highland Park who I assume would like to see me stay here.

Friends and neighbors in Provincetown that would like to see me there more..

A nagging itch for Fort Lauderdale, especially as home prices are so low.

Yet, the real question to me is Where would Brian like to be if he knew he could not fail?

I love Provincetown right now.. I seem to be nurturing new friendships in a way that I have not for a while. As long as Harry and I were together, friends were important, but my life with Harry and Ms. Daisy were front and center. We enjoyed friends and company but I think the best of times were mostly together in Highland Park. Living what is basically a quiet happy life. We went camping, to New York, had parties, but what always strikes me to this day is how well we did nothing when our relationship was at its best.

Truth be told, Highland Park is a great town to live a life of peace and quiet. There is really everything you need nearby. People are kind and gentle but not nosy. There is no push to get to know you. I assume if I were married (to a woman) and had kids in school this maybe a little different. But, overall Highland Park brings a very natural balance to life. But I remark again that it is a peace and quiet town which makes it hard to find new friends.

This reminds me of IBM in Jacksonville when I started right out of college. There were mostly older IBM families who had lived in Jacksonville for a while. They enjoyed the Florida lifestyle and the lower costs of Jacksonville. They had families. Worked hard and played lots of golf. If they were a little more successful, they lived behind a gate and near a golf course or at the beach. But, what is striking to me, is they all lived a quiet peaceful life and the friends they had were pretty set. When I went through training, there were only two college hires, myself and a lady that was the daughter of one of the manager's in the office. Looking back at it, this strikes me in the heart a little bit. It was difficult to make new friends in this office. I was right out of school. A single male, which seems to be one reason I was lonely. Also, I was in a hurry to make a career for myself, and IBM this meant I wouldn't be there too long.

I always felt like I was in Jacksonville, Atlanta, and Fort Lauderdale a long time. But was really only 8 1/2 years for the whole lot..

So, Highland Park for me, has a lot in common with Jacksonville. Except it is a nicer home, and people are friendlier, backs up on a fabulous city of New York, but the adventure to meet new friends is challenging to say the least.

Provincetown, is quite the opposite for me right now. Because I live in a house with people that have been around for a while. I have been able to get to know some of the locals, and some of the Boston community that uses Provincetown as a weekend getaway. While I was there over the last two weeks in Provincetown, it started to feel like home. I also noticed that people that are elected, or volunteer for the community, are of all kinds of folks from gay, straight, to whatever. The key in Provincetown seems to be that you are committed to the town and its future.

I have knowingly left Fort Lauderdale out for a reason. I came out to me in Fort Lauderdale. I had my first male relationship in Fort Lauderdale. Really, I had my first ever romantic relationship with any one. Fort Lauderdale of the mid-90's was an Oasis for Brian. Somewhere I could experiment with who I wanted to be. I risked everything really. I executed the job in a way that was unique, and almost cost me my career at IBM. I experimented in relationships and finally came to terms with who Brian is. It is also the place that I met Harry, and our relationship began and many winters for peace followed.

Spending time with Harry, and the last days with Daisy, over the winter brought back very good memories. It also helped remind me why I loved Fort Lauderdale, and the building Harry is in.

With prices depressed in South Florida.. wondering about where Brian should live.. and where would I live if I couldn't fail? has me wondering again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Where were you 22 Years Ago on 9/11?

Image
It has been twenty-two years since 9/11, and as we look back on one of the moments in my life I can remember exactly where I was, who I worked for, what I did, and how the country and city I worked near responded. This is a blog I wrote about 9/11 22 years ago.  People say where were you? It is not perfect. No Grammarly applied, no ChatGPT analysis to make it perfect, or even format improvements.  Because, as 9/11 should seem like yesterday, twenty-two years is not that long ago. I don't feel healed, and honestly not sure the country has either. I am in Las Vegas for an IBM conference, something I have done numerous times since and before 9/11. As Frank kindly drove me to DFW, we saw a sign on a Whataburger that said we remember 9/11.  I wonder if they remember 9/11 and the immediate aftermath. A country in the horror of attacks that spanned more than the Twin Towers, as well as the Pentagon and Pennsylvania.  A country that forgot who was a Democrat or Republican.  A country that
Read more

Hot Summer Day Random Top 10

Image
  I would like to do an odd top ten. It has been a long time since I have done one, so here it goes.  I didn't start with a theme in mind, but as you read it, you may notice a theme after all. 1) If you think turning on your turn indicator while turning is the point, you are wrong.  Or, more importantly, you have yet to be a pedestrian crossing that intersection.  The point of using your turn indicator is not to show off as you turn but to let us all know what you will do ahead of time to keep us all safe. 2) If you want to complain to me but don't want to solve what you are complaining about, please don't.  I have spent most of my career trying to fix problems and move the ball forward.  Nothing is more frustrating than hearing complaints, giving good advice, and realizing that all the person wanted to do was complain. 3) Generative AI, led by ChatGPT, Google Bard, and Meta's LLAMA2, creates a unique moment in history.  It will change the jobs of white-collar workers i
Read more

Another First Father's Day

Image
  Another First Father’s Day. 58 years ago, around this date, I celebrated my first Father’s Day. I don’t remember that one as I was about seven months old. This one is my first Father’s Day since my Dad passed, and there is much to share about my Dad. June is sort of my Dad’s month. It starts with his and my Mom’s anniversary, which would have been their 64th anniversary. There is, of course, Father’s Day, and then his birthday was June 24th. So, June this year has many dates to remember my Dad. That said, I am diverted to memories from yesterday evening. I was going to Savannah to see my Mom, my sister, and my family and to “check” in. I was lucky to find a reasonably priced flight from Longview, Texas. The only airline to choose is American. To say that American Airlines didn’t show their best service yesterday is an understatement, especially in the last leg of my journey out of Charlotte, but that is not the point of this Father’s Day. After a few delays and odd gate changes
Read more