It was 2am.. and my life was changing!
It was 2am... and my life was changing.
I have written some about being in the AEPi Fraternity at GA. My catalyst to join was being hated, and also being bullied in my first year at Mercer University and then at GA because I was Jewish. I only start to think what my life would have been like at GA that first year if I had been out as well in 1983. I remember clearly the day of walking into the dorm with my brother. I don't think Mom and Dad took me, and I had had a rough few days which will be another post some day.
I remember meeting friends from high school, one in particular Sangeeta Chandra. There was a place across from the dorm that served chicken fingers, spuds and they came with a pickle. They must have been ok, but the pickle rings true. She said to me, you don't have to introduce yourself to everyone as a Jewish person. That doesn't define who you are, but damn if it didn't define me to those on the 10th floor. They were hell-bent on converting me and the more I dug my heels in the more difficult they became. I remember so clearly my roommate who was party to this group of righteous people, would sleep with his girlfriend in the room while I was there and turned out he may have been the most honest and noble of the bunch.
I had a rough time academically. There was the English professor who taught literature and just insisted that I understand the symbolism in literature and for the life of me I could not. The idea that an author would use one set of words but mean a totally different story was unrealistic to my practical mind, and to this day still seems quite far-fetched to me. That is one reason I tend to read biographies and history books as to at least dream there are some real facts to them.
So, I would come back to the dorm room at night and for my evening entertainment was a combination of delights. See the whole floor was a group of evangelical students so it was roulette as to who would engage me at any given moment. Would the English major, an older fellow, come in and argue scripture with me and yell at me for not being willing or desirable to argue. Would they do something to my things in my room to just try and get a rise and provoke me? Or the worst was the day I was actually napping and they put shaving cream on the blanket my Granny knitted for me that sits next to me on my purple couch this evening. My tendency in those days was to leave the room. Go for a walk, and just breathe... the more I walked the madder apparently they got.
These delightful experiences would happen regularly but I wasn't going home. I had taken my first computer programming class, Fortran for you geeks at heart, and I loved it. I didn't want to go home and frankly I already had changed schools from the lovely experience of Mercer University.
Not only did I stick around, but I stuck around for the summer. I wish I remember the fellow's name I roomed with. He was friends with the others on the hall, but was not party to their evil ways. I think we stayed in Reed Hall on what was one of the hottest summers on record as they removed asbestos from the air-conditioned dorms. I have to say, I had a great stereo and speakers, and every night we listened to Melissa Manchester and went to sleep. I remember an evangelical coming to the room one day and again proceeding to tell me I was damned and my roommate at the time kicked them out. I was taking statistics and can't remember the other classes but finally, there was light at the end of the misery tunnel and I think I made the Dean's list for the first time.
Now it is the fall, and back to the same floor in the same dorm, I went. I remember Jeff Saxon mentioned to me it was rush week. I couldn't imagine rushing TEP. I wasn't treated so well by the Savannah crew growing up, and this seemed like a bad idea. But, I was a legacy because of my Dad so I wondered about it. I think I walked through the house and never looked back. Walking over to River Road and into the house. I think at that stage I had barely had a drink of alcohol. (boy did that change quick) I don't think I pledged the first night, but maybe the second, and then I was a pledge. I remember Glen Dynin pledging and at the time we were the largest pledge class ever at AEPi.
I was different. I was a sophomore. I was different, I wasn't a rich fellow from Atlanta. I was different because I didn't go to any of the summer camps so I didn't show up with friends, except for Glen and Jeff. But, I instantly felt like I was part of something and make not doubt the Jewish part was a huge part even if not consciously. I don't think I knew it as much as I do today, but I went from being a pariah on a hall to have a brotherhood behind me. When I was sitting at the library with the guys on the hall, that were supposed to be my friends but later found out were just to keep tabs on me, and the brothers were walking around making the pledges drink shots I knew I was ok. I made the Dean's List again.
I remember pledge meetings. I remember needing a paddle, and going to the art store to buy one. Not because I was creative but they were much cheaper than the greek store in town. Just turned out it was the largest one in the pledge class which seemed to scare others but not me. For the geeks out there I think I was taking Pascal at the time and Calculus. And yes, saved my tuchus from a lot of grief, I burned the midnight oil writing or helping others write programs to graduate and yes made the Deans List again.
I remember feeling that I had become a part of something a different kind of family. When the TEP house was vandalized we offered to help. We were large enough and strong enough to stand up to any of the other fraternities that really didn't like a Jewish Fraternity even if it was next door. Yes, we drank, and there were all kinds of fun or shenanigans around but I felt comfortable. I remember becoming a brother. There were a few times I didn't think I would make it. I would be worried about classes or worried I didn't fit in but somehow in that crummy house on River Road I fit in. I remember my parents at Parents' weekend. I was still not the rich kid on the block but I didn't feel like that mattered much.
By the third quarter of that year, I had moved into the house. The room had a loft. I vaguely remember vacuuming it or anything moving in. I bet today I would cringe at the sight and would wonder how I came out healthy. But, the house pulled me out of the shell that had grown. Frankly, the walls were built growing up and that terrible freshman year turned them into cement. But, not at the AEPi house on River Road. I would not drink during the week because of school but I faked it. Fall meant football games, and Jack Daniels and coke in the stands. The sweethearts were sneaky and they didn't check their purses. We were rowdy and crazy at the games. The fried chicken and food prior to the game and the walking back to the house as a family at AEPi are memories to remember. I think in the middle of the chaos I kept making Deans Lists and a few 4.0s. Enough that my mother worried I wasn't having any fun.
I almost left out sweethearts. They were angels to me. They seemed to be around enjoying the house, the parties, and the events. But, if you needed to talk they were there and always sober at the right moment. They were an anchor for homecoming plans. They were also part of this safety net that made you know there was someone watching out for each other and we would be safe and sound.
The summer of my sophomore year, I had an internship at a company called Software South in Savannah. Writing basic programs for used car dealers. I remember it well and talking about wanting to co-op and they wanted me to come back. I decided they would not progress my skills and it needed to be a larger company. That is how I became a co-op at IBM and my other fraternity came to be and between the two of them I grew up. Co-opping was pretty amazing for me. First, it was pretty damn good money in those days I was averaging $13 an hour and had a good bit of overtime. Three paychecks paid for school and the last two that would come in after the quarter were mostly extra. I went back to AEPi not rich but able to have fun and relax and by the second quarter I had a new car and felt like a mensch.
Glen and I were chatting, and that sparked this blog post. Frankly, I was blocked, what I kept trying to write was boring me. Glen mentioned this reunion of sorts to honor Wally. I admired Wally a great deal. He put up with a great deal of grief from us young men, and women (sweethearts) and smiled the whole time. I am proud to say I didn't need any of his special help either in repairing cars or rescue missions but I remember him being a fixture we all depended on and even after the messiest of parties the house would be put back together once more.
I loved the parties. We were known for them. Wild West and going through 7 bands, and a hundred kegs in a long weekend all in the light of rushing freshmen.
But, my favorite times in the house were late at night around 2am. There would be some brothers up in a room. If you couldn't sleep you could walk in no questions asked. Maybe they had been drinking or smoking.. or maybe they were arguing politics (maybe? :) ). But, you could sit with anyone in that house and talk. I learned at 2am we all really aren't that different from one another and how it was possible to balance my academic ambitions with the desire for friendship. Maybe the idea of an unusual group of friends being a family prepared me as well for coming out at a later time in my life and to feel strong when I did.
At the time, we stood fast to being all Jewish, even sweethearts. It may not be that way today, but if you read above you can understand even in the early 80's having strong Jewish Fraternities and sororities was quite important and frankly in some ways saved my soul and helped me become who I am today. Imagine that green young man, not even 19 yet, having to deal with another year of what I went through as a freshman. AEPi didn't just give me a comfortable safe place to be, it really helped turn my academic career around from being average to graduating with honors. Between AEPi and the University of GA, I was able to make it to IBM and see the world.
Glen, who knew, I did have something to write.. thanks once more. I may not make this reunion, but I would love to share a Jack Daniels and Coke soon!
I have written some about being in the AEPi Fraternity at GA. My catalyst to join was being hated, and also being bullied in my first year at Mercer University and then at GA because I was Jewish. I only start to think what my life would have been like at GA that first year if I had been out as well in 1983. I remember clearly the day of walking into the dorm with my brother. I don't think Mom and Dad took me, and I had had a rough few days which will be another post some day.
I remember meeting friends from high school, one in particular Sangeeta Chandra. There was a place across from the dorm that served chicken fingers, spuds and they came with a pickle. They must have been ok, but the pickle rings true. She said to me, you don't have to introduce yourself to everyone as a Jewish person. That doesn't define who you are, but damn if it didn't define me to those on the 10th floor. They were hell-bent on converting me and the more I dug my heels in the more difficult they became. I remember so clearly my roommate who was party to this group of righteous people, would sleep with his girlfriend in the room while I was there and turned out he may have been the most honest and noble of the bunch.I had a rough time academically. There was the English professor who taught literature and just insisted that I understand the symbolism in literature and for the life of me I could not. The idea that an author would use one set of words but mean a totally different story was unrealistic to my practical mind, and to this day still seems quite far-fetched to me. That is one reason I tend to read biographies and history books as to at least dream there are some real facts to them.
So, I would come back to the dorm room at night and for my evening entertainment was a combination of delights. See the whole floor was a group of evangelical students so it was roulette as to who would engage me at any given moment. Would the English major, an older fellow, come in and argue scripture with me and yell at me for not being willing or desirable to argue. Would they do something to my things in my room to just try and get a rise and provoke me? Or the worst was the day I was actually napping and they put shaving cream on the blanket my Granny knitted for me that sits next to me on my purple couch this evening. My tendency in those days was to leave the room. Go for a walk, and just breathe... the more I walked the madder apparently they got.These delightful experiences would happen regularly but I wasn't going home. I had taken my first computer programming class, Fortran for you geeks at heart, and I loved it. I didn't want to go home and frankly I already had changed schools from the lovely experience of Mercer University.
Not only did I stick around, but I stuck around for the summer. I wish I remember the fellow's name I roomed with. He was friends with the others on the hall, but was not party to their evil ways. I think we stayed in Reed Hall on what was one of the hottest summers on record as they removed asbestos from the air-conditioned dorms. I have to say, I had a great stereo and speakers, and every night we listened to Melissa Manchester and went to sleep. I remember an evangelical coming to the room one day and again proceeding to tell me I was damned and my roommate at the time kicked them out. I was taking statistics and can't remember the other classes but finally, there was light at the end of the misery tunnel and I think I made the Dean's list for the first time.
Now it is the fall, and back to the same floor in the same dorm, I went. I remember Jeff Saxon mentioned to me it was rush week. I couldn't imagine rushing TEP. I wasn't treated so well by the Savannah crew growing up, and this seemed like a bad idea. But, I was a legacy because of my Dad so I wondered about it. I think I walked through the house and never looked back. Walking over to River Road and into the house. I think at that stage I had barely had a drink of alcohol. (boy did that change quick) I don't think I pledged the first night, but maybe the second, and then I was a pledge. I remember Glen Dynin pledging and at the time we were the largest pledge class ever at AEPi.
I was different. I was a sophomore. I was different, I wasn't a rich fellow from Atlanta. I was different because I didn't go to any of the summer camps so I didn't show up with friends, except for Glen and Jeff. But, I instantly felt like I was part of something and make not doubt the Jewish part was a huge part even if not consciously. I don't think I knew it as much as I do today, but I went from being a pariah on a hall to have a brotherhood behind me. When I was sitting at the library with the guys on the hall, that were supposed to be my friends but later found out were just to keep tabs on me, and the brothers were walking around making the pledges drink shots I knew I was ok. I made the Dean's List again.
I remember pledge meetings. I remember needing a paddle, and going to the art store to buy one. Not because I was creative but they were much cheaper than the greek store in town. Just turned out it was the largest one in the pledge class which seemed to scare others but not me. For the geeks out there I think I was taking Pascal at the time and Calculus. And yes, saved my tuchus from a lot of grief, I burned the midnight oil writing or helping others write programs to graduate and yes made the Deans List again.
I remember feeling that I had become a part of something a different kind of family. When the TEP house was vandalized we offered to help. We were large enough and strong enough to stand up to any of the other fraternities that really didn't like a Jewish Fraternity even if it was next door. Yes, we drank, and there were all kinds of fun or shenanigans around but I felt comfortable. I remember becoming a brother. There were a few times I didn't think I would make it. I would be worried about classes or worried I didn't fit in but somehow in that crummy house on River Road I fit in. I remember my parents at Parents' weekend. I was still not the rich kid on the block but I didn't feel like that mattered much.
By the third quarter of that year, I had moved into the house. The room had a loft. I vaguely remember vacuuming it or anything moving in. I bet today I would cringe at the sight and would wonder how I came out healthy. But, the house pulled me out of the shell that had grown. Frankly, the walls were built growing up and that terrible freshman year turned them into cement. But, not at the AEPi house on River Road. I would not drink during the week because of school but I faked it. Fall meant football games, and Jack Daniels and coke in the stands. The sweethearts were sneaky and they didn't check their purses. We were rowdy and crazy at the games. The fried chicken and food prior to the game and the walking back to the house as a family at AEPi are memories to remember. I think in the middle of the chaos I kept making Deans Lists and a few 4.0s. Enough that my mother worried I wasn't having any fun.
I almost left out sweethearts. They were angels to me. They seemed to be around enjoying the house, the parties, and the events. But, if you needed to talk they were there and always sober at the right moment. They were an anchor for homecoming plans. They were also part of this safety net that made you know there was someone watching out for each other and we would be safe and sound.
The summer of my sophomore year, I had an internship at a company called Software South in Savannah. Writing basic programs for used car dealers. I remember it well and talking about wanting to co-op and they wanted me to come back. I decided they would not progress my skills and it needed to be a larger company. That is how I became a co-op at IBM and my other fraternity came to be and between the two of them I grew up. Co-opping was pretty amazing for me. First, it was pretty damn good money in those days I was averaging $13 an hour and had a good bit of overtime. Three paychecks paid for school and the last two that would come in after the quarter were mostly extra. I went back to AEPi not rich but able to have fun and relax and by the second quarter I had a new car and felt like a mensch.
Glen and I were chatting, and that sparked this blog post. Frankly, I was blocked, what I kept trying to write was boring me. Glen mentioned this reunion of sorts to honor Wally. I admired Wally a great deal. He put up with a great deal of grief from us young men, and women (sweethearts) and smiled the whole time. I am proud to say I didn't need any of his special help either in repairing cars or rescue missions but I remember him being a fixture we all depended on and even after the messiest of parties the house would be put back together once more.
I loved the parties. We were known for them. Wild West and going through 7 bands, and a hundred kegs in a long weekend all in the light of rushing freshmen.
But, my favorite times in the house were late at night around 2am. There would be some brothers up in a room. If you couldn't sleep you could walk in no questions asked. Maybe they had been drinking or smoking.. or maybe they were arguing politics (maybe? :) ). But, you could sit with anyone in that house and talk. I learned at 2am we all really aren't that different from one another and how it was possible to balance my academic ambitions with the desire for friendship. Maybe the idea of an unusual group of friends being a family prepared me as well for coming out at a later time in my life and to feel strong when I did.
At the time, we stood fast to being all Jewish, even sweethearts. It may not be that way today, but if you read above you can understand even in the early 80's having strong Jewish Fraternities and sororities was quite important and frankly in some ways saved my soul and helped me become who I am today. Imagine that green young man, not even 19 yet, having to deal with another year of what I went through as a freshman. AEPi didn't just give me a comfortable safe place to be, it really helped turn my academic career around from being average to graduating with honors. Between AEPi and the University of GA, I was able to make it to IBM and see the world.
Glen, who knew, I did have something to write.. thanks once more. I may not make this reunion, but I would love to share a Jack Daniels and Coke soon!
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