Can you go home again?

What happens as we age, it draws us to look for change, or mid-life crisis maybe?  Women go through a natural change of life as they age.   Men, depending on who you pay attention to, don't go through a natural change but we all have heard mid-life crises leading to things in life like new sports cars and changes of life and home.  So, I sit here outside of a Starbucks in Savannah spending the weekend with family and wondering what my life has in store as I start the next adventure.  I am very lucky that I have put myself in a place at this moment where I can explore choices and options without the pressures of life.  Except for the hopeful puppy who is in my future, I don't have great burdens that cause me to need to move quickly in any direction.

I have moved past needing to have the finest car, designer jeans, or any of the trappings of the life and times we are in.  Frankly, these things never made it in my life as a priority any way.   I am probably more of a geek technically, and since I sit here with an iPhone, iPad Mini, and Thinkpad I can't very well say that I have escaped all of the trappings of life but seriously I don't sit here thinking of what the next thing I want other than to frankly be able to travel fairly freely.  I don't travel luxuriously  but when the desire for a NYC bagel hits it is nice to be able to go. 

The challenge is that ambition is a hard thing to tap and keep under control.  Sort of like trying to tap off the leak of a well that wants to gush oil or water.  It traps you in the sense that there is a high, and in any addiction it wants to be fed.  Mr. Silverman what do you do for a living?  Well I spend some time working with some customers in the Carolinas around integration technology.  Working on some marketing workshops.  But, Mr. Silverman what do you do every day? I try to walk on the beach every morning.  I type it and like it, but I also cringe thinking what others will perceive this life.  Is he lazy?  hardly!  Is he intellectually bored? not at the moment!  Does he want to just do this the rest of his life?  Don't think so.  I miss the hit, the mental energy on all cylinders, but I confess to feeling lately that I am filling that void trying to see what could be next.  Shaking the past in a way to see what the second half of my life can be. 

I sit here with a Venti Non-Fat Latte, a little bit calm in my desires.  Frankly, pleased for a few moments on my own, and being able to wonder what could be my next choices.  Maybe, what society sees as a mid-life complex is really others of my ilk looking as I am at what their own future, next half of life, or frankly a realistic view of their own mortality, maybe.  Many have spouses, children, homes, and maybe they don't have as wide of a field to explore as I do.  So, the occasional sports car and looking frivolous is their approach.  Maybe some men react in more radical ways ending careers and relationships.  But, maybe it isn't really a crisis, but actually trying to gain hold of the last half of life.  

We are pretty structured as a society for our youth.  I don't think as much as some cultures, but we know a few things are given.  The first 18 years of life we are raised by parents.  We are not only expected but up to a certain age we must go to school, and if we carry that forward to an ideal, we go to college and then we start a career of some kind.  I am grateful for this path and my upbringing but I wish I had more freedom earlier.  Tour Europe or do something out of the ordinary before I knew what my ordinary was.  (btw The Nora Jones station on Pandora is tops!)

So, the second half really is not planned.  If you have children, I assume they are grown.  My brother is now a grandfather so looking at this stage of life the future is a little less planned or certain.  For me, there currently is not a plan other than a clear desire to be happy.  So, is mid-life not a crisis but an opportunity?  Is it trying to realize at this stage of our lives that we can re-focus on happiness?  Also refocus back on our beginning, home and how we focus on our parents to assure they have what they need for their health and happiness. 

What I believe, is that I am grateful to try and not be rushing to any answers.  I have driven some friends a little nuts as I look at choices in my life.  I don't wake up often without a new choice in my head.  I see many of them, not a tour of Europe, but hope the next phase of my life is unpredictable and frankly continues to make me happy and content.