On the way home from Milwaukee, I found a mystery of my life
On the way home from Milwaukee, I found a curiosity of my life.
We all sit in our homes, and look out our windows. Some of us have striking views of sunrises, sunsets, of going to sleep watching planes line up as they come in to land in paradise. (OK that is me) Some of us sit on oceans, or views of mountains, or maybe the view of their neighbor’s window and listening to sirens in a busy city. But, wherever or whatever we call this place home and if we are lucky it is a shelter from the cold, rain or heat. If we are lucky our home is an oasis from the world of chaos around us.
I keep thinking after this week of another way of looking at home. It is also where we build barriers and walls to the outside and frankly build what can no otherwise be said are walls without windows to look out and observe. Our homes become more of where we build our lives and choices high up on a pedestal. It also allows us to look down around us, and if I dare say, look down on people around us who have chosen a different path in their lives. It is easy, maybe too much so, for us to sit there and leverage that pedestal to judge others who have chosen differently.
Let's start with an easy example, and move our way into what is simmering in my mind. If you are Vegan, and I am not, it is easy to sit on your pedestal at home and decide for humanitarian reasons you are more noble as you are not hurting any animals. Now, maybe, I can't eat all of the grub for vegan and feel and be healthy. For me, an egg, some meat or other sustenance makes me healthier and happier and easier for me to give to others. This works in reverse. I can see Vegans and wonder how they morally can prioritize animal lives over plant life and not feel the same moral challenge while eating a carrot as they would say I should while eating a hamburger.
This naturally leads to politics. It is easy to sit here and say anyone who is not in favor of gay marriage is a bigot. They are judging who I love, on the basis of religion, or some odd sense of morality. In many cases, we know this comes down to something simple and that is they don't know any gay people. They assume what they here on FOX news, or what their pastor tells them is true and they see this as a relatively easy choice. We can poise this as ignorance, but who knows what is in their day. Maybe, they spend their days working in soup kitchens feeding the poor at church. Or, they work at the Humane Society helping sweet puppies find homes. Or, they may be focused on a child who has special needs and they want all the focus on their child with diabetes or some other ailment that can't allow that parent to sleep comfortably at night in their own home. Maybe their lives, and challenges, in context prevent their mind to open and think of another potential love in a warm and happy family.
I profess to be guilty. You get on a plane, and you watch people boarding the plane and you think this is one of the most straight forward acts of life these days. Most people boarding a plane have done this before, and you wonder why they can't just find a seat. Why does the person, who brings on more carry-on luggage than they can lift, not just check their luggage? You get to your destination and the reverse happens. If I am in a middle seat or window, waiting to get off the plane I get so irritated having to wait for the people in my aisle to stand up and get their carry-on luggage. I need to learn a little patience in these moments. I need to think maybe they can't stand as long as I can. Maybe, there is something special in that carry-on luggage such as a family heirloom they are taking to a grandchild. Instead of assuming that they brought that carry-on luggage so they didn't have to pay a fee, or that they are waiting to get up just because they want to personally irritate me.
This really is leading to Milwaukee, I promise. We all are in moments in our lives when we see others, and we can't put ourselves in their shoes. We see a lifestyle, maybe a rock star who can't move down the street without being swamped with attention. Or, the sanitation worker who has the unenviable task of hauling away our garage. Or, the mailman who every day brings the junk mail that I throw away without even looking. I remember years ago, an Ann Landers column on tipping in a restaurant. The question posed by the writer, was what to tip a waitress or waiter that was rude or bad service. Her comment was you don't know what happened in his or her day prior to your walking in. Maybe, there was something in that person’s day that made them act a certain way and by your leaving a tip that may help them emotionally. I may not tip as much in those moments, but since reading that column I always tip something. Her point, and frankly probably way more eloquent than this blog post, was you really have to put yourselves in their shoes know about how they got to this day or don't judge them based on one act or moment. Pretty wise from where I sit.
As you all know, I start most days watching the sunrise. Camera in hand, or really phone and music in hand which provides me a camera so I can share the wonderment of Mother Nature. Each morning I walk, I listen lately to KD Lang, and I can only remark in wonderment of Mother Nature’s majesty and the purity of KD Lang's voice to me. That sun rises every morning and by the miracles of her atmosphere the colors are different. Maybe there was a storm over night or there are clouds around and creates a unique filter to change her bright yellow to a light shade of orange or even red. It reminds me of how lucky I am every morning. It also helps me put in context my life in the world. In context of this huge sun, beaming a ray to this relatively small planet, on this sandy beach I call home my impact on the world maybe relatively small.
But, I smile as I walk. I have seen people over time lighten up a little when they see me in the morning, even wave on occasion and I think aren't we all just wanting a nice smile in the morning to get our day started. I am the most guilty of wanting to hide inside my mind that early in the day. But, it is hard to do so if you see the same person every day not to share a moment of humanity and smile and wave. Even, that speed walking woman who pushed me into the light post one day, after a few years, waves and smiles at me. The day she ignored my presence on the beach who knows what her life was like and what she was dealing with in her heart.
Yes, this will get to Milwaukee I promise. We cannot help but try and put other's lives into our context of truth. No offense, we want to believe there is a single truth and that all must line up and agree. I like vanilla, how can anyone prefer chocolate. Spicy food bothers me, so please don't serve it to me and how can anyone eat such. Why go on a roller coaster for a moment of shock and gravity challenging moments as compared to a walk on a sandy beach. We believe what we know to be true. Like, the earth has to be flat because we see at the end of a flat ocean the sun rising on the end of the earth. That is a simple historical example of known truths that were wrong. The point is we want to judge or put our stamp of approval on others we encounter. People can't be happy in China, it is communist. The French hate Americans. Southerners talk to slow, so they can't be as smart as a northerner. Hurricanes are better to deal with than earthquakes. These are frankly more rationalizations for preferring our lives over choices others made. We may look at others and compare, and leverage their differences to question and improve our lives, but it is when this analysis turns into absolute judgments of others I see problems in myself as well as people around me.
We don't have to judge another by standing up, and saying I love my life. This is who I am as I sit here in the morning with my cup of coffee, after my walk, and listen to the birds chirp. Yes I am Jewish, Gay American, and I enjoy Fort Lauderdale and choose to call it home. That is all I need to say. I can explain I can't imagine at this stage of my life waking up in Manhattan. I can't imagine the idea of shoveling snow again, but, never say never. This is who I am, and where I want to be. This does not have to be in context a judgment of anyone else’s choices.
We are getting closer to Milwaukee. People prefer cold weather over summer humidity. People prefer classical music to Jazz. Prefer Jazz to Rock and Roll. People like dry bbq over the more saucy kind. Some people like action movies over comedies. Others can't imagine crying at a movie, while others cry the moment the puppy wags her tail on screen (guilty as charged on the puppy). These are all differences either because of our innate personality or because of how we were raised. I don't think anyone would judge one person superior over another based on these choices, but when we get to more tricky subjects such as religion we can tend to be judge and jury of others.
If you have faith, then you must be a mindless follower of mythology. Some humans wrote a book some thousands of years ago. They have translated it and changed the words many times, and how could one follow or believe that is the word of God. Frankly, those books in context of their time established a morality and a set of a moral code that when truly followed has altered human history. You shouldn't steal, kill or covet another's spouse seem obvious today but in a time of human tribes probably less so. I am not here to discuss faith. I am here to say, judging someone for having faith and following their path of righteousness or beliefs without putting into context who they are as a person and their daily lives is not right. Even if you profess to be an Atheist why judge them for having faith and more than you would be upset for them judging you for having none. If by going to Church on Sundays, they teach their children right from wrong, they learn the value of love in a community, they maybe they help feed the homeless, visit the sick in a hospital, or help out each other under the umbrella of faith who are you to judge their beliefs.
Let's be honest here, there have been many moments in history where faith gone wrong has caused terrible harm to society. Whether it be the inquisition or other moments where one faith decides it is so superior to others and caused harm to others of different faiths. Go back to the witch hunts in this country, or simply the priest or Rabbi who takes advantage of their position in a church or synagogue to harm children. Faith, in of itself, doesn't protect or assure a just society but it is not in my opinion a binary switch to judge others either.
Time for Milwaukee, I spent the last few days with my brother and his family. He is religious and very observant and devoted to his synagogue, his family, and has created a life that is warm and giving to others. His children are all dynamic, loving, smart and quite energetic and not robots instead they are all unique in context of a loving and vibrant home. They live a good life, enjoy their religious observances and obligations, and truthfully are good to others and society. You have to have faith, believe in the books of Moses, study the Talmud and follow and observe. Their days maybe more structured by these guidelines than mine, but at the same time you have to feel a warmth and smile in their lives.
I thought on the flight home, that my moments at the beach are really my similar moment. When I don't get to see the sunrise in the morning, and get some exercise these days I feel somewhat down. I want to enjoy the life I have. I am grateful for it, and even if in context of my brother's life I don't necessarily have the same faith I do have a structure of my life that is a good one and happy one.
It is easy to be an Atheist today. Yes, we understand scientifically much more about our world than say in the times of Columbus. We can go all the way to physics and talk about the theories of how matter comes together. Yes, we can collectively agree there was a big bang moment and the universe as we know it sprung forth and over billions of years here we sit on an earth that was by chance placed a certain distance from in context what is a weak sun that over time created the perfect atmosphere and mix of elements that life sprung forth as a single cell. Then over time, long period of time, cells came together and specialized and eventually these organized cells turned into animals, and eventually into a human species. All well an good, but tell me what happened before the big bang? Why at some moment in history there was nothing and then the next moment there was something? Can you describe scientifically beyond a shadow of a doubt what happened? If you can please tell me, but if you can't in absolute certainty, even to be an Atheist takes a little bit of dare I say faith.
My point is I learned again in Milwaukee that we all want to judge people that are different from us. Religion is just one context of a person and just because they live differently doesn't mean one life is superior to another. Being a religious orthodox Jew doesn't guarantee a perfect family, parents, or life.. doesn't even assure that person is a good person. At the same time to judge anyone without understanding their full person and lives is as narrow minded as a preacher from a pulpit preaching against a gay couple, in love with a family, when he or she has not met them and understand them beyond the stereotypes or news reports on TV.
I am an imperfect human being in this context. While writing this blog post, the phone rings, it is FedEx about a package they lost. I am certain that it was not delivered or stolen by the delivery person (won't got into details here) and when this lady calls and is the third FedEx person to "Try" and help me it just frustrated me more. Again, this is my third call on a case, and the lady says just call Motorola and have them start their package lost process and then she hung up. I could just think she is helpless in a bureaucracy and why did she even bother to pretend to want to help me. But, who knows how her day started and what was going on beyond those ten seconds of futility. I want to judge her, and not the context of the world she is thrust into to keep a job. She doesn't know we are talking to power cables that in total is $20, and frankly she probably doesn't care, but has a role to play and this is it for her.
So, I sit here hoping the rain holds off so I can get some exercise and hope I can learn from my experience in Milwaukee, an
We all sit in our homes, and look out our windows. Some of us have striking views of sunrises, sunsets, of going to sleep watching planes line up as they come in to land in paradise. (OK that is me) Some of us sit on oceans, or views of mountains, or maybe the view of their neighbor’s window and listening to sirens in a busy city. But, wherever or whatever we call this place home and if we are lucky it is a shelter from the cold, rain or heat. If we are lucky our home is an oasis from the world of chaos around us.
I keep thinking after this week of another way of looking at home. It is also where we build barriers and walls to the outside and frankly build what can no otherwise be said are walls without windows to look out and observe. Our homes become more of where we build our lives and choices high up on a pedestal. It also allows us to look down around us, and if I dare say, look down on people around us who have chosen a different path in their lives. It is easy, maybe too much so, for us to sit there and leverage that pedestal to judge others who have chosen differently.
Let's start with an easy example, and move our way into what is simmering in my mind. If you are Vegan, and I am not, it is easy to sit on your pedestal at home and decide for humanitarian reasons you are more noble as you are not hurting any animals. Now, maybe, I can't eat all of the grub for vegan and feel and be healthy. For me, an egg, some meat or other sustenance makes me healthier and happier and easier for me to give to others. This works in reverse. I can see Vegans and wonder how they morally can prioritize animal lives over plant life and not feel the same moral challenge while eating a carrot as they would say I should while eating a hamburger.
This naturally leads to politics. It is easy to sit here and say anyone who is not in favor of gay marriage is a bigot. They are judging who I love, on the basis of religion, or some odd sense of morality. In many cases, we know this comes down to something simple and that is they don't know any gay people. They assume what they here on FOX news, or what their pastor tells them is true and they see this as a relatively easy choice. We can poise this as ignorance, but who knows what is in their day. Maybe, they spend their days working in soup kitchens feeding the poor at church. Or, they work at the Humane Society helping sweet puppies find homes. Or, they may be focused on a child who has special needs and they want all the focus on their child with diabetes or some other ailment that can't allow that parent to sleep comfortably at night in their own home. Maybe their lives, and challenges, in context prevent their mind to open and think of another potential love in a warm and happy family.
I profess to be guilty. You get on a plane, and you watch people boarding the plane and you think this is one of the most straight forward acts of life these days. Most people boarding a plane have done this before, and you wonder why they can't just find a seat. Why does the person, who brings on more carry-on luggage than they can lift, not just check their luggage? You get to your destination and the reverse happens. If I am in a middle seat or window, waiting to get off the plane I get so irritated having to wait for the people in my aisle to stand up and get their carry-on luggage. I need to learn a little patience in these moments. I need to think maybe they can't stand as long as I can. Maybe, there is something special in that carry-on luggage such as a family heirloom they are taking to a grandchild. Instead of assuming that they brought that carry-on luggage so they didn't have to pay a fee, or that they are waiting to get up just because they want to personally irritate me.
This really is leading to Milwaukee, I promise. We all are in moments in our lives when we see others, and we can't put ourselves in their shoes. We see a lifestyle, maybe a rock star who can't move down the street without being swamped with attention. Or, the sanitation worker who has the unenviable task of hauling away our garage. Or, the mailman who every day brings the junk mail that I throw away without even looking. I remember years ago, an Ann Landers column on tipping in a restaurant. The question posed by the writer, was what to tip a waitress or waiter that was rude or bad service. Her comment was you don't know what happened in his or her day prior to your walking in. Maybe, there was something in that person’s day that made them act a certain way and by your leaving a tip that may help them emotionally. I may not tip as much in those moments, but since reading that column I always tip something. Her point, and frankly probably way more eloquent than this blog post, was you really have to put yourselves in their shoes know about how they got to this day or don't judge them based on one act or moment. Pretty wise from where I sit.
As you all know, I start most days watching the sunrise. Camera in hand, or really phone and music in hand which provides me a camera so I can share the wonderment of Mother Nature. Each morning I walk, I listen lately to KD Lang, and I can only remark in wonderment of Mother Nature’s majesty and the purity of KD Lang's voice to me. That sun rises every morning and by the miracles of her atmosphere the colors are different. Maybe there was a storm over night or there are clouds around and creates a unique filter to change her bright yellow to a light shade of orange or even red. It reminds me of how lucky I am every morning. It also helps me put in context my life in the world. In context of this huge sun, beaming a ray to this relatively small planet, on this sandy beach I call home my impact on the world maybe relatively small.
But, I smile as I walk. I have seen people over time lighten up a little when they see me in the morning, even wave on occasion and I think aren't we all just wanting a nice smile in the morning to get our day started. I am the most guilty of wanting to hide inside my mind that early in the day. But, it is hard to do so if you see the same person every day not to share a moment of humanity and smile and wave. Even, that speed walking woman who pushed me into the light post one day, after a few years, waves and smiles at me. The day she ignored my presence on the beach who knows what her life was like and what she was dealing with in her heart.
Yes, this will get to Milwaukee I promise. We cannot help but try and put other's lives into our context of truth. No offense, we want to believe there is a single truth and that all must line up and agree. I like vanilla, how can anyone prefer chocolate. Spicy food bothers me, so please don't serve it to me and how can anyone eat such. Why go on a roller coaster for a moment of shock and gravity challenging moments as compared to a walk on a sandy beach. We believe what we know to be true. Like, the earth has to be flat because we see at the end of a flat ocean the sun rising on the end of the earth. That is a simple historical example of known truths that were wrong. The point is we want to judge or put our stamp of approval on others we encounter. People can't be happy in China, it is communist. The French hate Americans. Southerners talk to slow, so they can't be as smart as a northerner. Hurricanes are better to deal with than earthquakes. These are frankly more rationalizations for preferring our lives over choices others made. We may look at others and compare, and leverage their differences to question and improve our lives, but it is when this analysis turns into absolute judgments of others I see problems in myself as well as people around me.
We don't have to judge another by standing up, and saying I love my life. This is who I am as I sit here in the morning with my cup of coffee, after my walk, and listen to the birds chirp. Yes I am Jewish, Gay American, and I enjoy Fort Lauderdale and choose to call it home. That is all I need to say. I can explain I can't imagine at this stage of my life waking up in Manhattan. I can't imagine the idea of shoveling snow again, but, never say never. This is who I am, and where I want to be. This does not have to be in context a judgment of anyone else’s choices.
We are getting closer to Milwaukee. People prefer cold weather over summer humidity. People prefer classical music to Jazz. Prefer Jazz to Rock and Roll. People like dry bbq over the more saucy kind. Some people like action movies over comedies. Others can't imagine crying at a movie, while others cry the moment the puppy wags her tail on screen (guilty as charged on the puppy). These are all differences either because of our innate personality or because of how we were raised. I don't think anyone would judge one person superior over another based on these choices, but when we get to more tricky subjects such as religion we can tend to be judge and jury of others.
If you have faith, then you must be a mindless follower of mythology. Some humans wrote a book some thousands of years ago. They have translated it and changed the words many times, and how could one follow or believe that is the word of God. Frankly, those books in context of their time established a morality and a set of a moral code that when truly followed has altered human history. You shouldn't steal, kill or covet another's spouse seem obvious today but in a time of human tribes probably less so. I am not here to discuss faith. I am here to say, judging someone for having faith and following their path of righteousness or beliefs without putting into context who they are as a person and their daily lives is not right. Even if you profess to be an Atheist why judge them for having faith and more than you would be upset for them judging you for having none. If by going to Church on Sundays, they teach their children right from wrong, they learn the value of love in a community, they maybe they help feed the homeless, visit the sick in a hospital, or help out each other under the umbrella of faith who are you to judge their beliefs.
Let's be honest here, there have been many moments in history where faith gone wrong has caused terrible harm to society. Whether it be the inquisition or other moments where one faith decides it is so superior to others and caused harm to others of different faiths. Go back to the witch hunts in this country, or simply the priest or Rabbi who takes advantage of their position in a church or synagogue to harm children. Faith, in of itself, doesn't protect or assure a just society but it is not in my opinion a binary switch to judge others either.
Time for Milwaukee, I spent the last few days with my brother and his family. He is religious and very observant and devoted to his synagogue, his family, and has created a life that is warm and giving to others. His children are all dynamic, loving, smart and quite energetic and not robots instead they are all unique in context of a loving and vibrant home. They live a good life, enjoy their religious observances and obligations, and truthfully are good to others and society. You have to have faith, believe in the books of Moses, study the Talmud and follow and observe. Their days maybe more structured by these guidelines than mine, but at the same time you have to feel a warmth and smile in their lives.
I thought on the flight home, that my moments at the beach are really my similar moment. When I don't get to see the sunrise in the morning, and get some exercise these days I feel somewhat down. I want to enjoy the life I have. I am grateful for it, and even if in context of my brother's life I don't necessarily have the same faith I do have a structure of my life that is a good one and happy one.
It is easy to be an Atheist today. Yes, we understand scientifically much more about our world than say in the times of Columbus. We can go all the way to physics and talk about the theories of how matter comes together. Yes, we can collectively agree there was a big bang moment and the universe as we know it sprung forth and over billions of years here we sit on an earth that was by chance placed a certain distance from in context what is a weak sun that over time created the perfect atmosphere and mix of elements that life sprung forth as a single cell. Then over time, long period of time, cells came together and specialized and eventually these organized cells turned into animals, and eventually into a human species. All well an good, but tell me what happened before the big bang? Why at some moment in history there was nothing and then the next moment there was something? Can you describe scientifically beyond a shadow of a doubt what happened? If you can please tell me, but if you can't in absolute certainty, even to be an Atheist takes a little bit of dare I say faith.
My point is I learned again in Milwaukee that we all want to judge people that are different from us. Religion is just one context of a person and just because they live differently doesn't mean one life is superior to another. Being a religious orthodox Jew doesn't guarantee a perfect family, parents, or life.. doesn't even assure that person is a good person. At the same time to judge anyone without understanding their full person and lives is as narrow minded as a preacher from a pulpit preaching against a gay couple, in love with a family, when he or she has not met them and understand them beyond the stereotypes or news reports on TV.
I am an imperfect human being in this context. While writing this blog post, the phone rings, it is FedEx about a package they lost. I am certain that it was not delivered or stolen by the delivery person (won't got into details here) and when this lady calls and is the third FedEx person to "Try" and help me it just frustrated me more. Again, this is my third call on a case, and the lady says just call Motorola and have them start their package lost process and then she hung up. I could just think she is helpless in a bureaucracy and why did she even bother to pretend to want to help me. But, who knows how her day started and what was going on beyond those ten seconds of futility. I want to judge her, and not the context of the world she is thrust into to keep a job. She doesn't know we are talking to power cables that in total is $20, and frankly she probably doesn't care, but has a role to play and this is it for her.
So, I sit here hoping the rain holds off so I can get some exercise and hope I can learn from my experience in Milwaukee, an
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