Happy New Year
Happy New Year...
It is the Jewish New Year, year 5770 starting tomorrow. As the Holiday is known in Hebrew as Rosh Hashannah or the head of the year it makes me wonder. What is in my head for the new year.
If I look back at the previous year... many things changed and my life took on a different focus. Where I started the year gainfully employed by IBM, two homes, and a feeling of life’s contentment. I also started 5769 with a feeling of change in the air. Rosh Hashannah services were as they had been for the past decade at least. At the synagogue in New York, where I have written before feeling a closeness to Judaism I had not felt in a long time. As Yom Kippur approached, I decided to try and celebrate on the Cape with friends, Kevin and Rich. Services on the Cape did not and do not have the intensity of a New York synagogue. Thankfully, nothing in Provincetown or the Cape has the same level of intensity of Manhattan. The Kol Nidre services watching the sunset on the Hudson, turned into a quaint service in Orleans with a Cello playing as I entered. From over 3000 gay families, or families of Gays, to a lower key service led by a Rabbi with a bad cold as I remember.
I should have taken this as a sign. Not the bad cold, but the change of venue from New York to the cape was probably one of the dramatic changes in my life. The change from New Jersey and a house and home that I loved and have written much about changed for a simpler life in Provincetown. The change from working for IBM and the engaged intellectual exercise and friendships that brought into my life has changed to a local population of friends in Provincetown. I lived in Highland Park, NJ for 7 years and loved it, but could not tell you many streets other than my own and Barry's. But, as I wonder around Provincetown the names of the streets are starting to plant roots in my soul.
I have found a way to do consulting work with many of the IBM people that I worked with daily. The question I believe that will start 5770, is how far do I want to be from these IBM people. Not as friends, but professionally do I want a career of continued work with IBM. Or, is this a stop on a new journey of life. I enjoy what I am doing, but as I see larger fish than I and larger companies that are taking on the mantle of partner planning is that an acknowledgement of the value of what I am doing? Are these the people that will take the mantle and leadership and what I have been doing will decline or go away? I faced competition in my career at IBM. I was always aware that there were others who saw me as competition, or frankly underestimated that I truly was a competitor to them. I never took for granted the jobs I had, nor did I feel like I was irreplaceable. I feel that way here as well. But, the good news for now is I am busy and bills are being paid.
The question remains to be answered. What will 5770 bring to my life as I look to the many changes of 5769. I guess if I could, I would freeze things as they are and give myself the chance to breathe. The advice Harry gave me as I left IBM was that I needed time to explore my own creativity. He was convinced that my creativity was not stimulated at IBM, or at least not in the last few years, and that to find it I needed space and time. But, it is hard in this economy to walk away from something that is paying my bills and giving me fiscal space and some time to think and to dream.
We are all so defined by our "occupation". The greatest thing about Provincetown, or one of many, is that nobody asks me what I do for a living. I bet of 25 friends in town many would not know that I worked for IBM. Or, that I am doing consulting work. Time and conversation seems much more focused on here, baseball, art, politics and the pursuit of happiness. This is to simplify life here, and certainly makes it sound less engaged but I find it much more real and genuine.
The second part of my journey in 5770 is the renting of a place in Fort Lauderdale. Some point in late 1995 of early 1996 I changed from being a Floridian to being a northerner. I spent all but 2 years of my post college time (1987 for those of you guessing) in Florida between Jacksonville and Fort Lauderdale. Then I became a New York person on assignment and as the north planted roots inside as did my work and relationship I learned to appreciate the life of New York and now New England.
But, I am reintroducing Fort Lauderdale back into my life as more than a vacation destination. What joys and challenges will Fort Lauderdale bring this winter? I do enjoy the warmth, and frankly there is energy of gay life that is not matched anywhere that I have been. But the question remains, what will Fort Lauderdale bring to my life in 5770. Fort Lauderdale is home for Harry. Provincetown is a great destination, and somewhere he enjoys but is not deep in is soul home the way Fort Lauderdale is. I think my feelings are reversed. I enjoy Fort Lauderdale, but it is waking up in my small space in Provincetown and looking at the water pass my eyes, that is home.
Wishing everyone a very Happy, Sweet, healthy, and prosperous new year. Even if you are not Jewish, the genuine wish of good and Sweet New Year (L'shanna Tova) is good for everyone.
It is the Jewish New Year, year 5770 starting tomorrow. As the Holiday is known in Hebrew as Rosh Hashannah or the head of the year it makes me wonder. What is in my head for the new year.
If I look back at the previous year... many things changed and my life took on a different focus. Where I started the year gainfully employed by IBM, two homes, and a feeling of life’s contentment. I also started 5769 with a feeling of change in the air. Rosh Hashannah services were as they had been for the past decade at least. At the synagogue in New York, where I have written before feeling a closeness to Judaism I had not felt in a long time. As Yom Kippur approached, I decided to try and celebrate on the Cape with friends, Kevin and Rich. Services on the Cape did not and do not have the intensity of a New York synagogue. Thankfully, nothing in Provincetown or the Cape has the same level of intensity of Manhattan. The Kol Nidre services watching the sunset on the Hudson, turned into a quaint service in Orleans with a Cello playing as I entered. From over 3000 gay families, or families of Gays, to a lower key service led by a Rabbi with a bad cold as I remember.
I should have taken this as a sign. Not the bad cold, but the change of venue from New York to the cape was probably one of the dramatic changes in my life. The change from New Jersey and a house and home that I loved and have written much about changed for a simpler life in Provincetown. The change from working for IBM and the engaged intellectual exercise and friendships that brought into my life has changed to a local population of friends in Provincetown. I lived in Highland Park, NJ for 7 years and loved it, but could not tell you many streets other than my own and Barry's. But, as I wonder around Provincetown the names of the streets are starting to plant roots in my soul.
I have found a way to do consulting work with many of the IBM people that I worked with daily. The question I believe that will start 5770, is how far do I want to be from these IBM people. Not as friends, but professionally do I want a career of continued work with IBM. Or, is this a stop on a new journey of life. I enjoy what I am doing, but as I see larger fish than I and larger companies that are taking on the mantle of partner planning is that an acknowledgement of the value of what I am doing? Are these the people that will take the mantle and leadership and what I have been doing will decline or go away? I faced competition in my career at IBM. I was always aware that there were others who saw me as competition, or frankly underestimated that I truly was a competitor to them. I never took for granted the jobs I had, nor did I feel like I was irreplaceable. I feel that way here as well. But, the good news for now is I am busy and bills are being paid.
The question remains to be answered. What will 5770 bring to my life as I look to the many changes of 5769. I guess if I could, I would freeze things as they are and give myself the chance to breathe. The advice Harry gave me as I left IBM was that I needed time to explore my own creativity. He was convinced that my creativity was not stimulated at IBM, or at least not in the last few years, and that to find it I needed space and time. But, it is hard in this economy to walk away from something that is paying my bills and giving me fiscal space and some time to think and to dream.
We are all so defined by our "occupation". The greatest thing about Provincetown, or one of many, is that nobody asks me what I do for a living. I bet of 25 friends in town many would not know that I worked for IBM. Or, that I am doing consulting work. Time and conversation seems much more focused on here, baseball, art, politics and the pursuit of happiness. This is to simplify life here, and certainly makes it sound less engaged but I find it much more real and genuine.
The second part of my journey in 5770 is the renting of a place in Fort Lauderdale. Some point in late 1995 of early 1996 I changed from being a Floridian to being a northerner. I spent all but 2 years of my post college time (1987 for those of you guessing) in Florida between Jacksonville and Fort Lauderdale. Then I became a New York person on assignment and as the north planted roots inside as did my work and relationship I learned to appreciate the life of New York and now New England.
But, I am reintroducing Fort Lauderdale back into my life as more than a vacation destination. What joys and challenges will Fort Lauderdale bring this winter? I do enjoy the warmth, and frankly there is energy of gay life that is not matched anywhere that I have been. But the question remains, what will Fort Lauderdale bring to my life in 5770. Fort Lauderdale is home for Harry. Provincetown is a great destination, and somewhere he enjoys but is not deep in is soul home the way Fort Lauderdale is. I think my feelings are reversed. I enjoy Fort Lauderdale, but it is waking up in my small space in Provincetown and looking at the water pass my eyes, that is home.
Wishing everyone a very Happy, Sweet, healthy, and prosperous new year. Even if you are not Jewish, the genuine wish of good and Sweet New Year (L'shanna Tova) is good for everyone.
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