Brian Siverman Background
I am Jewish, Gay male that was born and raised in Savannah, GA. Through a series of changes in life, I now live in two places, Highland Park, NJ and Provincetown, MA.
in 1964, I was born in Savannah, GA. The youngest child of three children who were born almost exactly two years apart. Looking back, it was an ideal childhood. With grandparents around the corner, aunts, uncles and cousins all within a few miles. I had a Granny and Grandpa who were very loving, strong willed, and frankly had a tendency to be the first adults I can remember that treated me like an adult.
I also grew up in a nice southern Jewish community where the largest of the three synagogues was Orthodox. (surprise) I also remember the emphasis among the families and community was around the synagogue and around money. How much money you had or didn't first came apparent to me when Disney World opened. I remember not being part of the group of kids that went. I don't remember feeling bad about it, but I do remember clearly the feeling that money was something not just of value but to be valued.
I have a father that emphasized his family, honesty, and ethical living as priorities over money. He is and was an ethical attorney who for most of the time I can remember, was home for dinner. I also remember him being there and actually caring about what we as children did. I also realized that money was not a priority. Or more importantly, possessions were not a defining quality to him. He also emphasized that the amount of money did not determine someones worth. So I have never felt intimidated by someone because they make more money or have more than I have.
Memory of my father: As a child my father always seemed to carry around this little white pad of paper. We would be sitting outside of where my Mom was working and would play a sketching game. He or I would draw some kind of line on the pad, and the other would try and create some character out of it.
My mother, is and was a pillar of strength. One of the greatest qualities is that I always knew the most important relationship in the house was hers with my father. We were important and certainly a focus but they were and are a team. Each complimenting each other with different strengths and weaknesses. Also, she was very pretty and very popular. I always comment that I was not the most popular child in school. But, when it came time for field trips, my mother was the most popular for kids to ride with.
Memory of my mother: Occasionally, she would forget or decide not to make my lunch. Middle of the morning in she would come into school and bring my lunch. Would most likely be a warm corned beef sandwich from the local deli. In a school where I was not treated very well, to feel special for that moment was priceless as the commercial says.
The other quality of my parents, is that they raised three very different children. Who all seem to think the others were the favorite. I think that is quite remarkable and in the end shows a great level of even handedness for them.
My sister is and was the popular child. She was in the band, and seemed to always have friends wherever she went. To this day many of her friends have been her friends for life. I was always envious of how easy she makes friends and her ability to keep them in her life.
My brother is a very stern and focused human being. Also, the middle child, very religious and what I can say is he always has lived in a world of black and white to me. He seems to have always known what is right and to not waver once he is certain. This certainly helps him in a religions that seeks absolutes, but has caused tension at times with me and others.
And I am the youngest, and not just the youngest of my immediate family, but the youngest of all the cousins as well. I remember always feeling confident in my mind, and always felt like I had an unusual strength inside. But was and am quite shy and unsure of myself socially. I think one characteristic of myself as a child was a burning desire to be my own person. Not to be the third child of my family, or the 6th or 8th grand child. This caused me at times to clash with my brother the most, but it really was important to me that I not be defined by some name. Whether that be Silverman, Jewish, Southern, or what ever the name maybe I didn't want to be defined by what others expected of me. I always wanted to just be me, and to be content with that happiness. I remember being in Hebrew Day School or NCSY (Orthodox Youth Group) and the Rabbi said being Jewish was about daring to be different and being proud of that difference. That has stuck with me ever sense. And as I slowly matured, and realized not only was I a Jewish, Silverman from Savannah GA but also a Gay, Jewish Silverman... the pride in being different and that message to a young child has helped me more than that Rabbi will ever know. Probably, being proud of being gay was not a mission of any rabbi in the 70's!
I keep wanting to write all of this story of my childhood.. and where I have been and how I turned out to be this 43 year old.. but will save that for other posts, but in the middle of all of this, Brian, grew up confident in my mind. Confident in my future, but quite shy and unsure of myself socially. Looking back on it, obviously I knew their was something very different about me than was with others. But, I didn't know what that was. The only gay person I can remember was the hair dresser of my best friend's Mom. I remember he fit all the stereotypes but certainly was not someone I personally identified with. But this lack of interest in girls, and being somewhat overweight as a child, caused me to be shy. But, it also gave me a strength down the road to have confidence in myself even if I was alone or felt alone in the world.
So, after a 12 year relationship that changed my life and heart, I am at a crossroads. I can continue my career, and live in New Jersey and Provincetown, and just let life come to me or I can make a choice of where my life is going. I am trying, and the reason in my early mind for this blog, is to explore choices and make decisions. I feel like a very young 43 year old which means there is much life to be lived, lessons to be learned, and hopefully greater happiness in the future.
in 1964, I was born in Savannah, GA. The youngest child of three children who were born almost exactly two years apart. Looking back, it was an ideal childhood. With grandparents around the corner, aunts, uncles and cousins all within a few miles. I had a Granny and Grandpa who were very loving, strong willed, and frankly had a tendency to be the first adults I can remember that treated me like an adult.
I also grew up in a nice southern Jewish community where the largest of the three synagogues was Orthodox. (surprise) I also remember the emphasis among the families and community was around the synagogue and around money. How much money you had or didn't first came apparent to me when Disney World opened. I remember not being part of the group of kids that went. I don't remember feeling bad about it, but I do remember clearly the feeling that money was something not just of value but to be valued.
I have a father that emphasized his family, honesty, and ethical living as priorities over money. He is and was an ethical attorney who for most of the time I can remember, was home for dinner. I also remember him being there and actually caring about what we as children did. I also realized that money was not a priority. Or more importantly, possessions were not a defining quality to him. He also emphasized that the amount of money did not determine someones worth. So I have never felt intimidated by someone because they make more money or have more than I have.
Memory of my father: As a child my father always seemed to carry around this little white pad of paper. We would be sitting outside of where my Mom was working and would play a sketching game. He or I would draw some kind of line on the pad, and the other would try and create some character out of it.
My mother, is and was a pillar of strength. One of the greatest qualities is that I always knew the most important relationship in the house was hers with my father. We were important and certainly a focus but they were and are a team. Each complimenting each other with different strengths and weaknesses. Also, she was very pretty and very popular. I always comment that I was not the most popular child in school. But, when it came time for field trips, my mother was the most popular for kids to ride with.
Memory of my mother: Occasionally, she would forget or decide not to make my lunch. Middle of the morning in she would come into school and bring my lunch. Would most likely be a warm corned beef sandwich from the local deli. In a school where I was not treated very well, to feel special for that moment was priceless as the commercial says.
The other quality of my parents, is that they raised three very different children. Who all seem to think the others were the favorite. I think that is quite remarkable and in the end shows a great level of even handedness for them.
My sister is and was the popular child. She was in the band, and seemed to always have friends wherever she went. To this day many of her friends have been her friends for life. I was always envious of how easy she makes friends and her ability to keep them in her life.
My brother is a very stern and focused human being. Also, the middle child, very religious and what I can say is he always has lived in a world of black and white to me. He seems to have always known what is right and to not waver once he is certain. This certainly helps him in a religions that seeks absolutes, but has caused tension at times with me and others.
And I am the youngest, and not just the youngest of my immediate family, but the youngest of all the cousins as well. I remember always feeling confident in my mind, and always felt like I had an unusual strength inside. But was and am quite shy and unsure of myself socially. I think one characteristic of myself as a child was a burning desire to be my own person. Not to be the third child of my family, or the 6th or 8th grand child. This caused me at times to clash with my brother the most, but it really was important to me that I not be defined by some name. Whether that be Silverman, Jewish, Southern, or what ever the name maybe I didn't want to be defined by what others expected of me. I always wanted to just be me, and to be content with that happiness. I remember being in Hebrew Day School or NCSY (Orthodox Youth Group) and the Rabbi said being Jewish was about daring to be different and being proud of that difference. That has stuck with me ever sense. And as I slowly matured, and realized not only was I a Jewish, Silverman from Savannah GA but also a Gay, Jewish Silverman... the pride in being different and that message to a young child has helped me more than that Rabbi will ever know. Probably, being proud of being gay was not a mission of any rabbi in the 70's!
I keep wanting to write all of this story of my childhood.. and where I have been and how I turned out to be this 43 year old.. but will save that for other posts, but in the middle of all of this, Brian, grew up confident in my mind. Confident in my future, but quite shy and unsure of myself socially. Looking back on it, obviously I knew their was something very different about me than was with others. But, I didn't know what that was. The only gay person I can remember was the hair dresser of my best friend's Mom. I remember he fit all the stereotypes but certainly was not someone I personally identified with. But this lack of interest in girls, and being somewhat overweight as a child, caused me to be shy. But, it also gave me a strength down the road to have confidence in myself even if I was alone or felt alone in the world.
So, after a 12 year relationship that changed my life and heart, I am at a crossroads. I can continue my career, and live in New Jersey and Provincetown, and just let life come to me or I can make a choice of where my life is going. I am trying, and the reason in my early mind for this blog, is to explore choices and make decisions. I feel like a very young 43 year old which means there is much life to be lived, lessons to be learned, and hopefully greater happiness in the future.
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