What should I write about my Dad, on Father's Day?
I am sitting here on a Sunday morning, June 19th, and it is Father’s Day.
He is a great father, and we are all lucky to be getting ready to celebrate his 91st birthday, but I wanted to share my thoughts to celebrate my Dad on Father's Day.
My first thoughts of my Dad are with his Dad, my Grandpa. I watched him for many years, from childhood to adulthood, treat his father with love and respect through sad times and happy times. Dad showed such respect and love for his father and showed us by example what was important.
My Dad, in short, gave his children the greatest gift by showing us his life priorities that were quite different from many fathers I knew in my generation. While many parents around us were getting divorced, my father showed love and respect for my Mom.
He is and was a great attorney. He would share his experiences, but as much as he has genuinely enjoyed practicing law, that is not the top memory I have of him.
We may not have always had all of the finer things growing up, but truthfully we had the most important was a father and mother who we knew loved us and spent time with us.
So, here are a few memories at random of my Dad.
- At one point, Dad was doing a lot of closings for a local bank focused on refinancing. He would tell me about the VPs he was working with, and I was quite impressed. My Dad took me to the local office, showed me how many VPs and different titles there were at the bank, and taught me that titles didn't mean that much if there was no value attached.
- His ability to treat everyone alike, regardless of their title or wealth, was a great lesson for me in my career. I have had the privilege of working for and with several senior executives at IBM and other companies. In particular, as an executive briefing center host and subject matter expert, I coordinated and spoke at many briefings that included senior IBM executives. In addition, I also worked with many senior client executives from companies including Volvo, Intel, and Coca-Cola to name a few, and I was never intimidated by them. This lesson from my Dad made me treat them equally and not be awed because of their title or money. My respect for them was built on their integrity and character, not their job title or wealth.
- He was patient with me. I was not always an easy child, I assume most children are not. But, he always seemed to have patience for me at the right time. I remember him taking me casting at the beach to try and catch fish. I really didn't want to put the bait on a hook. I just wanted to be with my Dad. Once he found out 1/2 an hour in that, I had lost the bait and did not put more on the hook. It didn't seem to bother him too much.
- A funny story, in my later teen years, Dad had just gotten a new boat. He, his good friend Mr. Ulman, and I went fishing. Mr. Ulman had loaned Dad an anchor. They found their favorite drop to fish, and Dad told me to let the anchor out and tie it up. I tied it up as best as I could but kept asking them to check it, and they didn't. You can guess that the rope slipped right into the water. That anchor is probably still underwater somewhere near the Wilmington River in Savannah. I remember hearing him retell the story more than a few times, and I know that anchor was somewhat expensive, but he didn't get mad at me.
- In my younger years, my mother worked for a local toy store. At the end of the day, Dad would pick her up, and I would often go with him. In those days, he always had a little white pad in his pocket, and while waiting for my Mom, we would take turns drawing things and having to guess what they were. My Dad is a much better artist than I am, and I don't remember what we drew, but I still remember those moments as being quite special.
- Going to synagogue with Dad was always an experience. Sitting next to him, Grandpa and the rest of the family on high holidays, bar mitzvahs, or other celebrations were quite interesting. For some reason, my nose always would start running. I don't know if it was all the cologne or perfume in the air. My Dad always remembered to bring a second handkerchief just for me.
- He came to the University of Georgia for parents' weekend at the AEPi fraternity house. You think not such a big deal, but it was. See, he was a brother at TEP, the rival Jewish Fraternity. Many of the skits and jokes during AEPi parents' weekend were about the local TEP chapter. This didn't seem to bother Dad too much, and he came back for more parents' weekends before I graduated.
That said, this is also Gay Pride Month, and as a Gay Jewish male, I don’t think a tribute to my Dad would be complete without discussing my coming out in my late 20s.
To be fair, I didn't know what to expect from my Dad. I don't remember any negativity about gay people. Honestly, I don’t remember it being discussed at all. But you just don't know as a child coming out whether you are 10 or 26. I called and told my Mom, who told my Dad. He immediately called me back. He didn't think there was anything wrong with being gay. He said many Europeans go through phases. I said I didn't believe at 26 this was a phase. He loved and respected me enough to accept that and then suggested that I go for therapy to help me adjust and be happy as I am. That was it, and he accepted me, and I have never questioned his love for me for one moment. He has not treated me any differently and always treated my partners respectfully and like family.
It would be my wish that every child who realizes they are gay or any other way different had a Dad as supportive as mine. These children would have self-esteem and love for themselves instead of suffering from the bullying and hate that leads to high suicide rates and other issues among gay children.
No child should have to question at any stage of their life the love of their father, and I realize how lucky I truly am.
I wish all the fathers in the world a Happy Father’s Day!
Comments