I don't know how to explain it, and maybe won't post it anyway.  But, I hit a wall this morning.. don't think it is a major one but maybe a few feet high.

Maybe, of value is to say I need to explore my mind more than anything at these times.  It comes in waves, and this morning one wave is that I have had a terrible runny nose.  My first inclination, in normal times, would be this is allergy season and this is normal for me.  Go find a Claritin and just move past it.  But, these aren't normal times so first I worry as yesterday was the first outing in a while and hope that I didn't pick "anything" up even though everything I have read runny nose is not normally a Coronavirus symptom.  Fast forward, I took a Claritin and in minutes the drip seemed to slow and so assume good sign it is an allergy. 

When I think of the virus, and getting really sick.  My fear is being alone in a hospital.  I have spent enough time in a hospital in the last few months with Mom and Dad to know how compassionate caregivers really are.  I also know how challenging it can be, hour to hour in a room as I was there with my folks through most of their hospital and rehab stays.  What makes this more angst-driven is that I would really be alone as nobody could visit.  It is also fearsome as I have what one might say is an odd health insurance policy where they say all covered for the virus but if not I have enormous copays and the like before the insurance kicks in so there is more to this than health and I can't imagine how people deal with this that may not have any coverage at all.

So, I took the Claritin and feel better, but don't think that is at the heart of my wonky mood this morning.  It really comes down to a great day yesterday for Mother's Day.  First, I spoke to my Mom and sent her a gift cert that was appreciated.  She and my Dad were is good moods which is difficult as they have been pretty much at home since my Dad fell in December.

Then Frank and I spent the majority of the day making lasagnas.  Two versions.. one with meat for his Dad and stepmom Norma, and one vegetarian for Frank's Mom.  Started with Ina Garten's marinara sauce recipe which is pretty easy and quite good.  Split that in half, and in one pan browned ground meat and added some beef broth to help flavor the meat.  Then I added the marinara sauce and made a nice base for the beef lasagna.  Then I sauteed a number of mushrooms in butter I think was about 3 pounds, with salt, pepper, and oregano.  Frank made pasta from scratch.  I mixed cottage cheese, mozzarella and parmesan cheese, with some nutmeg and then proceeded to layer one big lasagna for Frank's Dad and then two smaller ones with just marinara sauce (no beef) for Frank's Mom and us tonight.  Few lessons learned, we didn't boil the fresh pasta first and think that was a winning choice.  Second, I think cottage cheese is a better addition than Ricotta for lasagna.  It is creamier and didn't need to add eggs or anything to bring it together with the cheese.

We went up to Frank's Dad and stepmom, with his sister Leslie, for a Mother's Day lasagna supper.  Their house is on a lake, and Frank's Dad had their boat repaired and we were able to tour the lake before dinner and was quite wonderful.

A few parts to this that I think have me a little down.  First, we almost made an offer on a house at the lake.  It is truly too far out of town for us, would be very much like self-isolation more often and even though lovely would have been challenging, but the day was lovely.  I joked with Norma that if we had toured the lake the day we saw the house, we may have ended up on the lake instead of a house in town. 

But, and there is a but, some of the happiest times in my life have been with my Dad and Mom on his boat touring the waterways of Savannah.  If you want to entertain yourself go look at all the rivers and tributaries running to the coast of Savannah and you will see how many and complex they are and my Dad knows those waterways the way most people know the roads of their hometown.  Being in a boat with Dad, started with his Kayak he built many years ago, and subsequent larger boats including his current one that we would tour the waters and enjoy the beauty of Savannah from the water.  At times, we would pull up near Uncle Buddy and Aunt Janet's sailboat and share lunch, or just hop in for a ride.  He always hoped I would find the patience for fishing, but he gave up on that and accepted that touring the rivers and having lunch together on the water was a pleasant way to spend the day together.   He was able also to have the boat at a marina which made the production much less than having to put a boat on a trailer and was quite fun.

What I realize last night at Frank's Dad's house, that those days of going out on the water with my Dad are past us.  It is a shame to see those pleasant times behind us and, it is sad that this is an aspect of my Dad and Mom that Frank will never see.  His Dad was so happy to just motor around the lake with the family, and my Dad would have found great joy in showing Frank the waterways of Savannah.  It is a sign that life is moving on, and honestly, that none of us are getting younger, and I think the combination of all of this sort of pulled me down.

I think I will share this blog, writing it made me feel better.  These times are challenging for all and I do think it is important to share how we all are getting through the good and challenging times as well.

The good news is the Claritin worked.. no more runny nose and the sun is out shining all around.  A walk with DaisyBelle will help cheer me up some and warm up my soul.

If you are looking for a good marinara recipe, Ina Garten is the winner as far as recipes go for me.  https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/marinara-sauce-recipe-1948638  

If you want to see more pics from last night here is an album to enjoy.  https://photos.app.goo.gl/GodMScgUhSKEQpRV6

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