Am I a Wanderer?

I woke up this morning, thinking about the future.  It is the day before Kol Nidre, the start of Yom Kippur, and even if I am not sure what I believe this has always been a good time for introspection.

A very good friend of mine suggested that I was a wanderer, that I find it hard to settle down in one place and just be at home.  My first reaction, as many would have when the comment is not meant as a compliment, was to disagree.  I am not a nomad in the dessert, or a hitch hiker traveling across Europe and yet do I wander?  It may appear that way, but I don't think it is all as it may seem.

As many of my colleagues would say, let’s start with the data, it all does come down to data any way doesn't it?  I have lived in 14 cities, about 16 places including apartments and I am sure professionally have had at least as many "job titles" and opportunities.  I can honestly say that I have liked or loved every city I have lived in, some more than others, but honestly, they have all had charm and unique qualities.  But, just because 14 cities sounds like a lot does that makes me a wanderer?  As in all forms of data analysis, it might be simple to say that the data would say yes, but I am here as I tend to do to challenge that analysis.

According to Merriam Webster to wander is to "to move about without a fixed course, aim, or goal" meaning my moves would have been more aimless without a purpose.  Let's be clear there are parts of my soul, that wishes as much.  That whether today or in the future, I wish I was the kind of person that would hop into a motor home and just drive and see the sites or put on a blind fold and pin a flag on a map like a kid trying to pin the tail on the donkey.  But my moves have tended to be about a career or personal events that changed my direction.

Some obvious changes, moving to Athens to go to school or moving to Jacksonville to start my   They don't seem aimless.  Or, the decision to move to Atlanta for a promotion, or Fort Lauderdale for a leadership opportunity.  None of these seem aimless, nor a move to the NY area to be part of a briefing center, or the move to New Jersey to balance work and relationships.  Or, even the move to Provincetown which was about quality of life.  These choices really don't constitute wandering, nor does the last move to Austin where career and happy home life were a key.

career with IBM.

So, if I am not a wanderer then why can't I just settle down after all.  I mean let’s get real.  I have lived in a high rise in Atlanta, on the river in Fort Lauderdale, across the bay in Ptown, and on the cutest street in New Jersey where if I was bored I could flip a coin and take a train to NYC or Philly for the day.  Or, now as I sit here in a house in what has been called the most livable city in the US can't I just let the roots flow and settle down for good?   Or, why can't I just admit that I am challenged and rent a motor home and tour the country? 

The data says I am a wanderer.  My best friend, wonders about me, and yet I don't ever feel like these   Nor, do I feel homeless except for the times when I have sold or left one place to not know where Daisybelle is going to sleep in the next city or town.  So, I challenge the data and friends to say it isn't aimless wandering at all.

I was walking around Lady Bird Lake this morning and I realized, I crave change.  Just like the rooftop restaurant that is rotating slowly so you can see all the city pass before your eyes, I am slowly turning to see all that I can in my life.  You don't always realize the floor is moving, and many people in my life don't see the change in me.  But I am pursuing change to either improve myself or more likely to keep me engaged and entertained in the life I am living.  It isn't always change for the good, or even change for a purpose to improve myself, but the desire for change is somehow built inside my soul.  It led me ten years ago to leave IBM, it led me to move back to Fort Lauderdale, it moved me to Austin, and who knows where the next move may be, but change is in my DNA.

I also realized, as I change, it makes it hard for some people as they think they know me.  They are   Moments such as coming out later in life, are more obvious but also this constant change of focus or interests it can make people uncomfortable and can make it difficult to get to know me well.  There are a few people who have stayed with me for this ride of my life, but they are a great handful of friends, but I am not sure how easy I make it for the long run.  I say this as somewhat of an apology, and as a personal revelation that occurred for me before the sunrise this morning.

certain they have "figured me out" and then I keep moving along a path of change.

So, for those of you who have kept me in your life, I thank you.  As Yom Kippur includes a time to apologize to folks, my humble apology to any I may have upset or wronged along this crazy path of my life. 

Hope you all have the happiest, healthiest of new years.. and yes, look for some changes coming...