A Birthday, a Train Ride, and a Few Things I’ve Learned
Wednesday was my Birthday!
Actually, number 61, and it was a lovely day for me. Started the morning walking along the beach, up and out at 5AM to chase what was another spectacular sunrise.
This kid, maybe 28, was hopping on the train to Orlando before mine and was complaining about his birthday being the week of Thanksgiving, no parties, people forget, and no celebration. I have never felt that way. At 61, I am actually grateful. To me, it's a number, and I don't feel 61. How do we know what 61 is actually supposed ot feel like?
There may be one advantage to age: a sense of experience and wisdom. So, I started a top ten list before my birthday, continued on the train yesterday, and this is a great time to finish it.
Independence comes with a cost. I don’t remember when I made that choice; my therapist says it was around age eight, but it was the moment I decided I would stand on my own two feet and not depend on anyone.
I also chose to accept responsibility for the good and bad in my life, not blaming others. I wouldn't change it, but it comes with a cost. It is more difficult for people to get close, to reach out to help, and in many cases, understand who I am at my core. Honestly, when I have wavered on this principle, it has not served me well.
People don't change or behave as you expect. In fact, most people don't consider others when making choices about their own behavior, nor do they want advice. I used to have a habit of trying to understand the why and how behind their challenges and successes. Then, spend more energy on how I thought they should proceed, and often provide recommendations. Most of the time, I made wrong assumptions, and rarely did they take my advice, especially when it was unsolicited. And G-d forbid they take your advice, and it was wrong, that is a new special kind of hell I do not want to re-live. It is more interesting to accept people as they are and adjust your opinion or perspective.
There are multiple truths, most of the time. The facts should not change, but how we interpret them and respond, with our own truth, will be different. It is 50 degrees outside. Is it cold or warm? Does 50 feel cooler in the fall in Florida than in the springtime in Maine? And does that change if you usually live in Maine but are in Florida at the moment?
This is also true of more serious situations. This is also why politicians can twist facts to their desired truth, making it more challenging to understand their real positions and reasons.
This is an advantage of a career started in sales: the first challenge is to understand your customer or prospect, their truths, and the choices that are right for them. Once you do that, you can adjust recommendations and build trust and confidence in your proposed offering. If you don't, you are rolling the dice to see the world and their business the way you do, and honestly, it is their business that they should know best.
Tasks I assume will be challenging often aren’t; the ones I assume will be simple are the ones that end up biting me in the tush. I put real energy into planning the complex things, so they usually go smoothly. The “simple” tasks, though… those get procrastinated, and every so often I discover they weren’t simple at all—and suddenly I’ve created unnecessary stress for myself.
Families should have a pet, a dog or a cat, preferably. It is unconditional love for everyone, and teaches children the quality of love and responsibility early in their lives. Some of the colder people I have met in my life have not had that experience.
I remember our first dog, Pixie. She became my confidant; she couldn't tell anyone what I said, and she was always watching me outside. DaisyBelle and Lucky are not only my confidants but also the glue of the family. They are aware of my stress and challenges often before I realize them. Lucky will come into my office on those days and just make sure I am ok and that DaisyBelle is already sleeping under my desk.
We should stop the idea that we are the better animal. Why does there need to be a hierarchy? Are any of us, these days, sure that humans should be at the top of the pyramid?
My Grandpa was right. When life is good, there is nothing better than simple dinners at home, even when compared to the finest restaurants out there. In fact, there is an excellent song from Liza Minelli's first Broadway musical. A Quiet Thing, from Flora the Red Menace, sums it up quite well.
Just the way you'd planned
It's funny but the bells don't ring
It's a quiet thing
When you hold the world
In your trembling hand
You'd think you'd hear a choir sing
It's a quiet thing."
It is always that way for me. It all goes well, and I end up walking at the beach, or somewhere quiet, celebrating these moments alone.
My favorite version happens to be from Barbra Streisand, A Quiet Thing/There Won't Be Trumpets https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7ZQlW4KjvA
My Dad was wise. People's value cannot be measured by the money in their bank account, the address where they live, their job title, the labels on their clothes, or the stars and celebrities they know. It comes down to who is kind, truthful, and loves their family. I don't remember him being intimidated in anyone's company, and I hope I share that quality.
I love change, which may be my downfall at times. In fact, once my life starts to change, I try to accelerate and increase it. I remember walking into an IBM Training event in Orlando. Being told I had a new manager, which I didn't take to very quickly, and within about a month, I was moving to NY to be part of IBM's Internet Briefing Center. New job, new city, and new home all shook up in a short time. The same changes took me to the University of Georgia, Atlanta, Fort Lauderdale, Austin, and ...
If my life is going smoothly for too long, I may appreciate it, but I tend to be on the lookout for the next challenge, and to address it, I am willing to shake things up to rebalance and find happiness. Which is one reason I took to AI early in the GenAI generation, because I was looking for a new challenge and change.
Don’t judge others, which follows my second point above. We get frustrated when we see the obvious next step and someone doesn’t take it. Someone has 11 items in the 10-item line. Texans don’t signal until they’re turning. The waiter is short, the food is late, and you want to withhold a tip. But we have no idea what’s happening in their life that day.
Social media makes it worse. The mansions, perfect lawns, perfect vacations—it’s easy to feel envy. But the mansion owner might be facing bankruptcy. The “perfect” kid may be bullied or failing school. What we see isn’t what it is.
Let me give you a fun, but informative, example. A few years back, I left IBM. I decided to spend a month in Key West in June. I do love beach towns in the off-season. My first reaction to watching the locals was how slow they walked. Were they all stoned, or did they start drinking early? After all, it was Key West. I learned to walk more slowly. In the humidity and heat of summer, walking slowly made the conditions less taxing, and I seemed to sweat less.
Don't judge others too quickly, as you might miss out on learning something.
Speed Round:
- If you walk your dog, please get them a harness. Pulling a dog by a leash and a traditional collar does not give you control of the dog, and it is painful for the dog as well. Make sure the harness fits!
- When you buy ground or coffee beans at a Starbucks, instead of the local grocery store, you still actually get a real pound of coffee? At the store, like Publix, it is 12 OZ. This is true for many other coffee places; buying coffee from them is actually not as expensive, in many cases, as in these other stores.
- This may be true for everyone. If it looks like rain and I carry an umbrella, it usually doesn't; if I forget, I wait for the rain to come down.
- I love walking along the beach. The ocean never looks the same to me. But I am not the person to put a towel down and lie on the beach. It takes me about 10 minutes to be bored.
- My Beach Walk music this month is Jennifer Hudson, I Remember Me CD, Toni Braxton's Sex and Cigarettes, and George Michael (what a loss he died so young!) Symphonica CD.
- I am not the most significant investor, so take this as you will, but if all these investors who sell services, guides, and advice are so, why do they need to sell their wares?
- People who wish people, a Happy _______ Holiday, for those who celebrate. If you don't celebrate, accept the good wishes. Nobody is trying to insult you.
Finally, a bonus, and my best advice. Don't take too many people's advice, including my own. Focus on your own happiness and, most importantly, build your own life that is not only happy but also content. It is not selfish; in fact, focusing on your own self-care and happiness allows you to get to know yourself better. It also allows you to be more generous with others, as you will find you have more space in your mind, heart, and soul to care and support others.
Comments