When Two Rights Might be Wrong!

 

Early in my career, I had a customer prospect. Replacing their current system was less money than the maintenance they were paying IBM for the old one. I was young and knew this was easy, and I was right. There was one option I had not considered—he cancelled maintenance. The system had not needed maintenance for years. I didn’t take the time to understand why he needed the new system beyond the obvious financial advantage, didn’t explore his requirements, and not only walked away from the sale, but I was paid on revenue, including the lost maintenance.

In this case, from the right point of view, we were both right. But right came from assumptions, and facts that we saw differently, and his actions reflected what was right for him and his company.

That experience taught me something important: there is rarely only one right answer. What looks obvious to you may not be right for someone else, and vice versa.

Yet today, we seem fixated on being right. I made the right choice. I have the right opinion. I did the right thing. I live the right way, and I work the right way. There is only one right way to decorate a home, remodel a kitchen, or choose a candidate to vote for. My religion is the right one, my sexuality is the right one, and the pronouns I choose are the right ones. The implication is that there is only one right way, and if you don’t agree with me, then you are wrong.

In the past, these judgments were shared mostly with friends and family. Now, everyone showcases their lives, beliefs, and attitudes online. They share the right house, the right love, the right work, the good stuff, not the messy reality. We compare ourselves against this highlight reel, and extend it to judgment. Look who went to church or synagogue today. Look who bought a new home. Look who got a promotion.

It doesn’t stop there. Do we really need to see Bezos’s wedding taking over Italy? Does Oprah’s latest guru have the real answer to happiness? Do the thousands of coaches on LinkedIn know what’s truly wrong with my résumé?

As a gay man, you might think I care about Bezo’s fancy wedding in Italy or Taylor Swift’s engagement. Frankly, I could not care less.

The key is this: our rights and truths are opinions or perspectives. The same question will have different right answers for different people. I asked Google how many religions there are in the world, it said 4000 to 10000. Even Google isn’t sure, but every religion is sure they are right. That alone should remind us how slippery the idea of a single “right” really is.

The problem with social media is it pushes us into groups of people who already share what we believe is right. Worse, it amplifies how we judge others who are different, keeping us online longer to show us more ads.

Imagine if we all learned the simple lesson of pausing to understand someone else’s perspective before assuming what is right for them. What if we used our minds, eyes, ears, and hearts to see what’s right for others? We might realize their differences are not only valid, but perhaps right for them. And sometimes, our own “right” may not be correct after all.

In my work, I often say “prove me wrong.” Why? Because then I don’t waste time on what isn’t the right answer. Trust this older man: if you try on someone else’s perspective of what is right, at the very least you will become more tolerant. At best, you may discover better choices for yourself.

So here’s the punch line: open minds and open hearts expand our perspective. They help us stop judging differences and start appreciating them. And maybe that—not being right—is the real right answer.