I Am a DEI: On Privilege, Hate, and Being Seen

I am a DEI.  

Hear me out, I am a white male in the USA.  I don’t dismiss for a moment that there is privilege associated with those two words.  When I am at the store, renewing my driver's license, crossing the street, or waving at the nice policewoman, I don’t have fear.  I don’t have the fear that by my presence, people will be suspect of who I am.

But, I am a DEI, a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion person as acronyms go.  The conservatives of this country have turned an acronym of love and acceptance into one of fear.

I knew this early on in my life, as a Jewish child in a southern city.  I remember marching in 1973 around the Yom Kippur War and having people yell at us.  I remember taking German in high school and being ridiculed.  I remember going to Mercer University and being shuffled through Fraternity Rush around Rosh Hashanah, so they all knew who the Jewish boys were going through rush.  I remember being at the University of Georgia and being harassed for being Jewish in the dorm, leading up to a swastika etched on my door, and being asked to pay to have it removed at the end of the quarter.

But discrimination can come from strange places.  I also remember having a Jewish Manager at IBM, who was convinced there were no Orthodox Jews in Savannah, GA and harassed me and even tried to impact my appraisal at work. 

I know what antisemitism feels like.

But in the DEI scheme, I am a two-for-one.  I am a gay male.  

I remember being at a work meeting in Marietta, GA, and calling my Mom.  Wondering what would be more challenging, to come out as Gay or Jewish.  I was happy to get out in the light of day. 

To tell the truth, in Longview, although I feel safe most of the time, I wonder the same on occasion.  In the last year, I have been yelled at and accused of being a pedophile by a stranger, just because I am gay.  I wonder how much more repulsed he might have been if he knew I was Jewish.  

I also know what it is like to be told, as a gay jew, I could be stoned to death by a Jewish court.

I have had the luxury, most of my adult life, of living in gay friendly communities.  But that didn’t stop people from yelling obscenities on occasion.  

I have been lucky to work for companies and people who not only accepted me for being Gay, but also stood up to protect gay people before it was popular.  

That said, discrimination can come in odd ways.  Stereotypes, pointing me to the cheapest sales in town, because of course, saving money is always on my mind as a Jew.  Or, discussing fashion, or the latest Hollywood scandal, because I am gay.  We use stereotypes because they make us comfortable with how we treat or identify others.  Be careful, the line between a stereotype and discrimination can be mighty thin or even invisible.

I have been to a gay synagogue in NYC, where I felt the most welcome of any synagogue in my life. I have also been to a gay synagogue in South Florida, which, for all intents and purposes, was a fashion show.

I have been in Wilton Manors, FL, for a Halloween parade where straight families are as comfortable as their gay counterparts.

I want to return to where I started.  I know that walking down that street as a white male, there are privileges in this country.  I also know that much of the voting and hate in this country is to try to maintain that privilege, even if it impacts other people.

The other key is that hate begets more hate.  Making hate acceptable of any ilk makes it acceptable for people to hate others for any reason.  

What people don’t seem to understand is that Hitler chose the Jews to hate and kill, and went on to persecute Gays and other minorities to their deaths as well.  

These times we live in are challenging.  Before people embrace hating immigrants, legal or otherwise, remember they are here to try to better their families as my grandparents and great-grandparents did.  I haven’t seen these insane criminals; I have seen people who work hard and for many try to send money back to their families to better their lives as well.  Wonder what it would take for these people to risk all they do to enter this country, leave their family and homes, to better their lives or escape persecution?  You really think most of them are criminals and the insane? 

You may be for suppressing free speech as an approach to stop and fight antisemitism, but beware, as it allows others to use these weapons to oppress other free speech, including antisemitism, in the future.

As we vote, as we support an elected president and congress who seem hell bent on protecting the privileged, to protect the perceived majority, and the rich, and are using the fear and hate of others to support their mission, remember, who may be next?

My greatest fear of this morning, as we see in Colorado, is that hate begets more hate.  The more hate speech is accepted, the more people feel comfortable walking out of their door screaming about the hate of Jews and attacking a peaceful march.

Social media brings together people who are alike, may be kind, or may be bringing people together who want to hate a DEI person who may or may not look like me.

If you want to fight hate, talk to people who don’t look like you, maybe don’t believe what you believe, or maybe love differently. I bet you'll be surprised to find that you have more in common than you think.  After all, we are all just mere humans.